Sunday, 29 November 2015


Several weeks ago I was screamed at for twenty minutes on a telephone accusing me of many things but one that I was a Granny.  I thought, the surgery has worked. Heaven forbid that you reach the age of a Granny? I think it is a case of trying to bully, I remember the same type of people at school? Obviously the people who said it, felt old and tacky. Previously I had done a photograph saying BooHoo to Bullying, then two weeks later it was my turn. They thought it was an insult,  that I would immediately forgive them as well? I have news for them and any others, I would love to be a Granny, those fortunate enough to get to an age of over 38, in this world, with a new born grandchild are surely blessed?. I would  enjoy the experience. There is a preconception in the world  that if you are older than 45, you are going nowhere, judging by the list of brilliant women below it seems a little inaccurate. This is all so very silly, 50 years from now none of these people will exist or be remembered. Even funnier the people accusing were over 45 themselves and one as old as 53, they think I forget, yet I was at their 30th birthday.
On top of that surely they know that anything said is better than nothing at all and is usually a reflection of themselves not of the person they are bitching about. However, I would rather people talked about me when I left the room then I do not have to thump them.

Women that are interesting  over 45 and potential Grannies are pretty spectacular. Women no longer have white curls and a row of pearls they have style panache and are capable of ruling the world. They hopefully have a grandchild too.

Marina Abramovich Artist
Belinda Carlisle Musician
Madonna Musician
Hilary Clinton Politician
Her Majesty The Queen
Crystal Brinkley Actress
Cher Musician
Dame Joan Collins Actress
Tracey Emin Artist
Elizabeth Hurley Actress
Helen Mirren Actress
Loree Rodkin, Jeweller
Marina Cicogna Photographer Producer.

and so on, never underestimate the power of the brain, time and beauty combined.

With Paris suffering a major dilemma, this all looked so petty and unnecessary. Why on earth would I want this in my life?
To get some unity in my life,  I have started to work on a new film project with my good friend for thirty years, Lyall Watson. We share a love of Egon Schiele and drama. Writing with new ideas has a brilliant way of stimulating the memory bank. Today I learnt about the creature named Krampas who haunts little children when don't behave with sticks and putting them in sacks. In villages up and down Austria children this week end will have to perform a piece of poetry or say a prayer in order not to be scolded  by this devil like creature in shape of a bear. He was obviously written about in the child stealer in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Anyway I want the part. We should bring this to the rest of Europe and the states. Sounds terrifying to me and he sounds a bit of a bully too.
In the meantime I can't wait for wedding bells in the air. I have had a proposal or two.

Tuesday, 17 November 2015


When I was sixteen and studying for O Levels. I chose Modern History. I was disappointed though as I wanted to study Henry V11, but that was not on the curriculum. There is nothing like the Tudors to excite us all, however I was entirely wrong and grateful for the knowledge that I received in those elementary classes.  In the first class we were all turned into Fascists and the second class hardly any of us interestingly were turned Communist. We had an enlightened teacher. Of course in someways the two extremist groups are similar. Equally we should not assume that Fascists are Right wing, wishing to keep the status quo, they may feel  similar, but they are entirely different.  Fascism is complex and there are variations and equally Right wing are different too. Fascism as I learnt it was meant to be socialist. They liked road building, a good education and hospitals. It is why today the Italians have great roads and so do the Germans. So back to the simplistic Fascism which was appallingly racist.

I remember the teacher saying
"If there are hooligans in the street"?
Our answer to was get the police in.
"If there are bombs in the street"?
Get everybody off the street
"If the bombs get worse"?
Close borders and call in the army.
"What do you do with the people causing the problems"
We said put them in a prison.

In the light of the tragedy on Saturday 14th November in Paris all of the above seem too familiar. They are of course necessary and essential, coming to terms with the terrorists being home bred. The world is on a fast train without breaks it seems? It is indeed global and although the foot soldiers are needed, drones can kill from an armchair millions of miles a way. It is as if we have forgotten the past and are trampling on our future. Women are being killed and time is going back to a Medieval period of no hope and misery.
If people are against refugees they may not mean the colour of their skin, where they came from, their education but indeed the fact that it is tricky to settle into a country and assimilate. To be part of a community. People think they have more rights than infact they have. We want a good education, jobs, health service provided, low taxation, a good army and police force, housing. We feel we pay for it, we feel we deserve it, but the truth is that we pay very little for all these things. If we added up our tax and went out to pay for these things separately it would be an entirely different bill.  If we really think about it, why should we have rights? Why should we expect all these things? What are we but an out of control people who have forgotten our origins. Too big egos for our abilities, too greedy, outspoken, violent, hopeless and lazy? Then there are the political shenanigans of the Middle East that seem totally out of control.
The Dalai Lama is correct in reminding us that there are too many people that are successful and what we need is healing, loving and repairing. In Bangkok the people went out and prayed on the very spot the bombs went off. Every person in this world could do the same. The unnecessary atrocities from Saturday were appalling and I feel for everybody who has suffered. I feel also for Lebanon, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan where the innocent deal with these dreadful occurrences on a daily basis.
When I was little my mother bred whippets. The Whippets were snobs, the would not speak to different coloured members of the same family. They only liked the colour that they were. We are as humans naturally fearful of things we do not understand. A white dog with a blob on its head was put to the side by its Mother. I used to watch and learn from animals.
Now is the time to find the perpetrators and deal with them intelligently.
Time to heal and time to pray I think and listen.
Unfortunately the hooligans at present are disgruntled fit young men, who have little to hope for and ISIS has given them the very reason to live. With violence the more exciting option they have sadly taken their unhappiness out on people that were not able to defend themselves.They believe in an out of date world that only brings more misery.
This is a political problem mainly concerning our greed for oil and pipelines.
The Dalai Lama is still the most hope that we can offer this generation, I just hope we and they listen in time.

Monday, 16 November 2015


I feel like wearing red. It signifies Scarlett o'hara, love, passion, an Indian wedding dress and brings up the memories of that fabulous song "Lady in Red" and then there is nothing like a  red swimsuit on the beach. I probably won't wear one, but a satin red dress, slashed to the waist is damn sexy.  I am not into red or white shoes which for me are a little tacky.  I love red lipstick and red dresses only, they give you that feeling of making a dashing entrance. I also love my girl friends that dare to wear red lipstick, you know they have character.  I love lipsticks by Joan Collins, Charlotte Tilbury and Chanel, and Nar's make incredible fat pencils that are quick to repair your lips.  To be remembered always make a big entrance and a very small exit, and the "red" dress is perfect for this.  I never say good bye to anyone, just leave, I always see a little disappointment in a party givers face as you say you are leaving,  a hint of insecurity in the hostesses face as she checks to see if you enjoyed yourself. The truth is she need not worry I always enjoy myself even if I leave after five minutes which I often do.  I just leave when the feeling comes over me, and when  I have spoken to the people I love, and met some that I did not know. I have lived the life with a lucky star without the insecurity of being one.

Vivien Leigh as Scarlett o'hara in Gone with the Wind

I read this morning that the Dalai Lama suggested we should all start loving and do acts of kindness. That the earth needed healing. I quite agree with this. There were too many successful people and actually the world needs to think holistically. Luckily the Dali Lama surrounds himself with the colour red.
Rosamund Pyke

Red is the colour of love, envy, blood, passion. It also means over drawn at the bank, caught "red" handed, a communist, Red Indian for American Indians and the red-light district signifies strip
 joints. The Red Cross and Tinder, so many conflicting things. It shows you have panache with a daring outrageous side. I like it. I like to be outspoken.
This week I went to a party at the Petersham Nursery in Richmond and the hostess was wearing a full red dress by Zac Posen. I looked around the room and although everybody was well dressed, only the red dresses stuck in my memory. There was a beautiful satin red dress with ties at the back.
Here Audrey Hepburn looks glamorous as she stands on some steps in Paris.

Audrey Hepburn

As outgoing as I am, I can be shy and a red dress  would give me new confidence I am sure.
Pamela Anderson Famous red swimsuit.

Kendall Jenner


Alexander Mcqueen
Tom Ford

The cheaper versions are good too


There are so many really good ones now
I use
Joan Collins's Amanda
Charlotte Tilbury


Pixie Lott
Rosamund Pike
Kendall Jenner
Naomi Harris
Victoria Beckham
Courtney Cox
Reece Witherspoon
Kate Winslett
Phoebie Saatchi

Monday, 9 November 2015


I was on Tinder the other night  looking for an exciting 8 inches when a man starts writing to me,  informing me that I was to meet him in at the back of the undertakers in the Kings Road, I said do you mean the family one or Francis Chapel The big one? I did not want to make the mistake of standing behind the wrong undertakers, people might give me funny looks, especially in the costume he was requiring me to wear.  I asked him what I should bring and he said two tubes of anal ease and a blindfold.  I was asked to wear long red stick on nails. Whilst this sounded on the surface interesting,  can you imagine going to the police afterwards if the man had decided to bash me up?
I suddenly realised that I could wake up in a bath full of ice with my kidneys harvested, a mobile strapped to my arm saying "dial 999 You need to give me dialysis immediately as my kidneys are on the way to France". The man seemed pleasant enough but asked me what size dress I wore. I said size 
38 French. I asked him, as I thought it was cheeky, how tall he was and he said 5"8. I asked him if he had long legs, and he said how could he have long legs at 5'8"? I asked him why I had to meet him at the undertakers and he said it was near where he worked and he did not drive. He said when we meet only answer to the name "Morticia" or I would spoil it for him.  Anal ease I can get but where do I get red press on nails? Won't they come off?.  He revealed later that he wanted to hang me upside down from the ceiling with my press nails and pretend to pull them out with fake pliers.
I have explored many of these sites and by goodness what we are expected to do these days?
Pornography helped grow the internet originally much quicker than anything else, clearly.. 
Just a word of advice it would be easier to find the right undertakers if I was not wearing a blindfold.