Sunday, 30 June 2013


This is the best week to be in England in the Summer, from the Serpentine Gallery opening which showed us the stunning structure of steel poles by the brilliant architect Sou Fujimoto. Quite beautiful and anybody passing now can enjoy  it.

Then there was the wonderful screening of the Battle of the Sexes a new documentary about the life of tennis player Billie Jean King, who fought for Women's rights in the 1970's and equal pay for all female competitors.  It was fascinating how the world has changed in the West. It is why I did my film in so many ways, because people said I could not do it.  The gun the cake and the butterfly is also about the battle of the sexes.   Billie Jean, like the suffragettes, fought for equality, and she still does. Horrifyingly two girls in Pakistan after dancing in the rain, were killed for up loading a film on to the internet, their Mother too. Very recently another girl hanged herself because SHE was raped. In some parts of the world we go forwards, in others sadly backwards.

Life has not been without its challenging moments. The year of the Snake is a game of snakes and ladders, one week up and then the pot of gold falls between the gaps and what was up one week is now back to starters gallery the next.

The week was rounded off with a romantic Midsummer Night's party at the  Orangery in Kensington Palace  by another gallery, called Scream, I have been both gratified and appalled by the foibles of the human being.
Today we have The White Queen on the BBC, Phillipa Gregory's book on the War of the Roses, which should be interesting viewing, there is a new craze to spot historical inaccuracies, eg plastic drain pipes in the backgrounds, and dresses with zips,  that were not invented until the 19th Century. Standard English used inaccurately throughout. As a fan of Phillipa Gregory and all historical novels based on truth I am of course loving the idea of staying in. My favourite book of hers was "The other Boleyn Girl" A book about Mary Boleyn, who was the mistress of Anne. i am a huge fan of  Anne Boleyn and her daughter, Elizabeth 1.

The Mail on Sunday told the world about the next episode on the sorry saga of the Saatchi roundabout. It is now alledged her assistants have been putting their hands in his till.  In my house certainly if someone was thought to be stealing, and I had not seen this happen, my husband would have screamed at me.  Of course rich people always factor in theft, but thousands of  pounds disappearing would definitely have got me a good thrashing, with a whip of a sharp tongue, for being careless with his hard earned cash. Money is never easy to make, evan for the rich. To keep your fingers on your purse closed,  is definitely hard to do.
It is a sorry and sad state of affairs that it was not noticed in time to stop a finger licking addiction. To take a loo roll that does not belong to you is in fact theft. Please note in my house that the pound coins by my bed are mine.
and not for everybody to treat as their own lucky dip. As the person who pays the bills in my house I can tell you on more than one occasion I have found my expensive underwear slashed to fit the housekeeper.  The problem is I have eyes at the back of my head and I know whats happening.  A friend of mine thinks I am psychic, I think I have common sense. If you have a lot of cash, people think its theirs and want a part of it. I am always worried about credit cards. Luckily my bank is small and anything dodgy, shows up immediately with me screaming like a banshee: "You know I never buy Versace"

From tragedies of Eygpt to the celebrations of Croatia entering the European union the world changes every time we blink.

Wednesday, 26 June 2013


Last night I went to Nicky Haslam's new house in Knightsbridge jam packed with paps and the fabulous faces of today. Beautifully decorated with immaculate taste I wish I had let him do the whole of my house.  He was launching his thoroughly interesting new album Midnight Matinee which I am lucky enough to have a track on.  I loved working with him on every level. Go Nicky go, you always keep us entertained. With Bob Geldof, Tracey Emin, Bryan Ferry and Rupert Everett, you cannot go wrong.

Sunday, 23 June 2013

Phil Spector on Lana Clarkson Murder


I am a biter and scratcher by nature and anyone is welcome to take pictures anytime, I don't give shit, some men need training.
Frankly we need to lighten up. I got a lecture from my favourite Rabbi about Sharia Law, and although I am in great disapproval of women being bashed up, I cannot believe that my friend Charles has turned into a Muslim. Of course he could have been discreet, but who needs discretion, it's a bore and as I said last week, The Kardashian's talk about strap ons and anal sex before 9.30 in the morning. I think England is remarkably tame. I shall try to liven things up with my award winning film, The gun the cake and the butterfly. God I  like banging on about it. I am gazing at the statuette with a sick grin on my face. Don't you dare try to wipe it off  this week, particularly outside Scotts.
To make a change..
 I have decided to match Ascot hats with dogs.
 Snitched from the Guardian, as I could not believe my eyes. It truly was a colourful week in London.
The absurdity of the crazy dog competition
Dapper man with flowers

My most favourite look was Lady Helen Taylor. Who was bang up to date with a berry, see through round glasses and a mustard and pink dress. She looked terrific and she matches the poodle who was the best groomed. Contemporary and edgy Lady Helen gave us the look of the season.
Lady Helen Taylor

Saturday, 22 June 2013


Yesterday I received a prize for my film.
Winning is a fabulous feeling, it is the first time I have won something. I am not going to feel guilty about it. It made me feel I was back at school when I was eight years old and won a merit badge for picking up tennis balls.  A giant leap. Yesterday at the NYCIFF I was awarded  with "The honorary prize for the most imaginative documentary"  for The gun the cake and the butterfly. Thank goodness I did it as a stand alone creature with some wonderful people working for me. The support of some close friends was entirely necessary. The team was essential. I won it for all of them as well as for me. 

Justine Glenton, Julia Laverne, Charles Eliasch, Roby Meola, Behsat Ahmet, Fredrik Andersson, Jack English, Jack Eliasch, Hector Abaunza, Alexander Webster.  I, of course had to earn it. I dreamt it and lived with it. Roberto and Caroline watched 3,000 films and chose 130 for their festival. It was quite a week, the standard was very high. Many films are being made. 
I worked hard. I stood up as and dedicated my film to two important men in my life, My grandfather  the film director, writer and producer, Sidney Gilliat and my father the writer Anthony Cave Brown.
Justine Glenton looked incredible in a Diane von Furstenburg long golden wrap  over dress. I wore Armani, I don't like long dresses. I went to John Barrett who made my hair look incredible.
Yesterday I spent the whole day looking at distribution. 
I am grateful to the generosity of the charming Roberto Rizzo and his wife Caroline. I woke up feeling that the cat had the cream, lashings of it.


Thursday, 20 June 2013


New York never sleeps and neither do I much.
Last night I cheered my lovely pal Belinda Carlisle on while she sang with the Go Go's her band. She of course is also a solo artist. I love her we have had so much fun in the past. It is wonderful to revisit the past with music. Music does it so well. She now practises Yoga on a full time basis and it shows. Svelte, and beautiful proves that this magical routine can keep you suspended in time. Justine Glenton who is in my film The gun the cake and the butterfly looks youthful as does Madonna. These women look better every year.

It was a day of meeting old friends. I stopped by John Barrett's hair salon and was given the most incredible creation by John Barrett himself. I loved it. Slightly tousled as if I had been in bed all afternoon. If only? I also had incredible make up with Tom Ford's products? Is there anything this man does not do well. My goodness everything is so chic and I splash his scents all over me, having bought several I shall now be able to do this on a regular basis.
I then was leaving Bergdorf Goodman when I bumped into another friend, Cornelia Guest. We once spent a wonderful Summer together in the South of France, laughing and playing. She is so much fun in an up market glamorous way. At the same time she helps animals worldwide, is a philanthropist, has an on line shop and has left her debutante life behind doing good works. It shows in her face, She looks radiant.

I arrived back at the  hotel to be given Rose Hartmann's wonderful book in Incomparable Women of Style by my publicist from Andrew Freedman. It is good to be reminded that amongst the badly dressed women on the street there are women everywhere who are totally ravishing and exceptional. Rose has a huge personality with loyalty with an ability to be everywhere. She came to my play As I like it, and then arrived at my film. With Anthony Haden Guest writing your forward you are one lucky woman.

New York is a rough tough City but if you make an effort your get rewarded. Either you have too much or too little, it  definitely swings between hell and heaven.

Wednesday, 19 June 2013


Every pleb has a camera nowadays, so why are two intelligent people outside one of the most famous restaurants in the world?  Why do they decide to have a domestic?  Provoking a drama? You have to break a lot of eggs to make a very ordinary omelette. Food for thought?  Why is the man not facing the camera, why is the woman only photographed? I am disappointed, it is a shame that everybody cannot get on. It looks like a green plant is growing.

I am learning to go bravely barefaced again for a change. For eight years I have walked around very painted and dolled up usually at the request of my sons who complain if I have one grey hair showing.
If I stay in bed all day they start to nag. Sometimes I love to be horizontal. No chance here in New York.

New York has been busy. One of the most enormous challenges has been to show my film. I love small  teams and I like working together with people.  I had not seen it for one whole month.  I wanted to separate from it and see. It looked good in Soho House in Los Angeles so how would it look in New York for the NYCIFF? I am so honoured to be included in this Festival. Robert Rizzo looked at 3,000 films and chose 120 so I am thrilled. The Tribeca Cinema is very NY, but with heart and the dinner at Preserve 24. with original quirky pieces of art is definitely worth a having dinner in.  The film was  full and I was a little nervous and it is definitely a unique piece.  Poetry, one woman, and depression is an awful subject but I think it's eccentricity is interesting as it reaches your soul. It seems to have a life of its own.  i

I also managed to see a wonderful musical at the Public Theatre called Venice. Based on a Shakespeare plays, Othello, it was exhilarating. The dancing and timing were totally perfect. At The  Public Theatre. If you want to see a new musical go see this one.
Afterwards we had a perfect dinner at the Po Restaurant in Cornelia Street. Delicious end of a perfect evening.

Monday, 17 June 2013


This is a request for sanity? Give the Saatchi's peace of mind.
Every man occasionally wishes to strangle their wife, and he looks like he is checking her glands. In any case he has given more to the British public than most, I for one have enjoyed his brilliant brain and the cleverness of Nigella, it is all bullshit.  Gossip columns whilst they are fun to read, are shameful and cause unnecessary problems. Once I had the Daily Mail in my drawing room saying to me that they had photographs. I answered back you should get a proper job, and I am sure they are wildly exciting.  They were not. I could have played a double bluff. This incident however put my marriage firmly on the rocks, to a man, that ultimately I could have been happy with. It is so destructive. Their  children should be considered. They have already gone through enough. The photographer is at fault. He should be blamed, not Mr Saatchi. If he were in the wrong the family should be allowed to quietly sort out the problem. Charles is complicated he could not create what he does if he was not. Nigella is a big and intelligent girl, if there was violence at home, which I doubt, she is able to quickly sort that out. There is more likely to be a chicken sandwich in bed, and a backgammon game.  I shall always love the enigma of Charles Saatchi. England has become a 'political correctness' bore. I am sure he was just helping her not swallow another persons cooking.

On another note I have a film opening tonight as everybody who reads this column knows and that is much more interesting. It is positive. Roberto Rizzo kindly selected my film, giving me a chance to show New Yorkers, my life. Not that my life is more important than anybody else's just the one that I know best. The gun the cake and the butterfly is a labour of love and with all its faults, glitz and soul I think in 75 minutes the production team at Anarchy Post did a brilliant job as did all the cast and production teams along the line. Tonights the night. Tribeca Cinema, 54 Verick Street, 8pm.

In a fight once with an ex husband I picked up the coffee machine, is that violence? Yes it was? However he had his new girl friend's photographs all over the desk and we had not got divorced. Who was more violent? Who was in the wrong? Both of us. Use common sense, all relationships are tricky, and the most pious have the most problems, so check out your own wardrobes before you make comments.  

Sunday, 16 June 2013


The gun the cake and the butterfly for The New Media Film Festival.

1.    How did new media/new approaches in filmmaking play a part in the creation of The Gun, The Cake & The Butterfly?
The new approach to film equipment made the film possible. If I had completely known everything it would have made it much cheaper and I could almost have done the whole production side on my own at home.
I did not.  I have used many cameras but shooting digitally has made the
Film making world come alive with a mobile making a film, tiny cameras doing a good job too and in my case the Canon, the beautiful canon, which everybody thinks you are taking photographs when you are in fact shooting a film. Incredible.  There are many other filmmakers able to make films now for next to nothing and this makes the whole cinematic world come alive.  
Also remember after making the film and editing it, the real costs are the same again to sell it..
I made this film to increase the  number of females making films.  If people will not invest in them, then the film has to be as cheap as possible and look as good as possible so the new equipment enables this to happen.

2.    Your trailer is a beautiful snapshot of your feature – talk about the challenges in crafting an effective trailer.  

This was incredible easy in fact. The trailer is a common sense flow of the story. It moves in circles and is beautifully crafted by the production people involved.  I would have originally just done my face looking out of the window. The trailer definitely makes you want to see the film.

3. What advice would you give to a filmmaker who is about to embark on creating a 2 minute trailer of their first feature film?

For first time film makers my advice would be make sure you all get on, make sure that the script is fairly tight, and make sure you understand every aspect of film making so that you do not overspend.  If you do not understand everything, it leaves areas where you can be taken for a ride. It was an incredible experience for me. You do though need to choose carefully when working with people. for me the most important attributes are integrity, loyalty and honesty. These are very difficult to find.
4. What intrigues you most about new media/new approaches in filmmaking?
As a photographer originally the new formats give me huge opportunity to experiment with the medium. It makes everything possible. One of the best films was made on no budget at all on an iPhone. Mine was made on a smallish budget with a Canon. The film simply could not have been made on original cameras. 
I like to follow the advice of Mr McKenna "This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering its a feather bed.”
– Terence McKenna

Saturday, 15 June 2013

WITHOUT GAY MEN I am 45 minutes away from being a bag lady

Without Gay Men I would look like shit, and if I wasn't so terrified of 'high heals' I would be a lesbian. No doubt about it. I just happen to like men. I try to make it work but I always seem to fail.
I am happiest surrounded by them like the pied piper. When I was little my mother used to laugh as she said she had never seen so many men around any one person. Invariably though I am either asking them to pay for their teeth, or throwing heels at them.  Spiky red ones. I was lucky not to fight with one or two, a rare happening that I should laugh round the world with one, and another I met in the afternoons for romantic romps. I have tried magic to be more understanding, I have seen therapists only to spend my precious hour in tears. At last at the great age of over 50, I am laughing and have never had such a good time with them. Perhaps it is the menopause?. Perhaps it is a laissez faire attitude? But my nails are staying in tact and I have never been happier.I have just finished my first film on just this subject at the NYCIFF this Monday 17th June, 8pm at 54 Varick Street, Tribeca Cinemas. Come if you need a strap on, come if you need a laugh and come if you want to get some.
It is inconvenient that Kim Kardashian's baby came today as I would love her to come and see my raunchiness.
My friend says I am the witchiest witch on the planet. Be brave and bold, to be a retiring flower is really not interesting unless you wish to be a spy?.
Anyway all this stops me buying dresses which I now simply have to do, as there is not one inch of  wardrobe space left and it I want a special person in my life, I had better leave some room, as the book the secrets told me. I had better listen....


I feel handicapped, slighted handcuffed. I hate not being able to open my AOL account but will have to wait. It is teaching me patience. It doesn't really matter. Who cares about the past, perhaps it is a good thing and is a thing of the past. There is an age when it is good to grow into your real name and give up a nickname. However, it is slowing me up. A good feeling,well hopefully?.

I went off today to see the restaurant Perservere 24, full of artefacts, clever ideas, pianos holding bottles of drinks, a can turned into a projector. I wanted to check that it is the perfect place to have an after party on Monday for my film at the NYCIFF. I wanted to see how long it would take from the cinema. In doing so I joined the 11th Brazilian Film Festival of New York and by accident and fluke I had a brilliant evening.  There was a film on a  wonderful artist, Margaret Mee, a free spirit who painted the plants of the rain forest. A woman educated at St Martins School and Camberwell she brought alive the hidden beauty of flowers which were rarely seen. Her passion for a flower called The Moonflower.
So touching and moving, this elegant woman fought for the world to take notice of what she saw. Directed by Maiu de Martino. Margaret was a visionary woman.
Obviously because of my ex husband's involvement with the Rain Forest, I wanted to see this film, it was inspirational.

Thursday, 13 June 2013


I have spent from 4.46 to 6.47 on the telephone to AOL to try and unblock my email account. The head of password control in India, Simon was busy telling me I do not own my email address.  He understands my problem but won't and refuses to check google or evan, to see I am alive? He calls me Madam but doesn't really mean anything, you can hear in his voice that he thinks I am some hysterical mad blonde.  It is more than irritating, they cannot check or evan try unblock it. Sometimes things have to vary. I was made to call up my ex husband, his secretary and nobody could remember doing it? Why would they? Simon at Password control in India won't take down my number. The only relief is that he can't look into my account, I suppose that is a relief.  I just would like to be on line and not have to change my accounts. They do not evan have a system that can try to help. So perhaps my answer now is to change everything and start using, Finally and get some normality. This is my reality before 7 in the morning. I now wait for a kind secretary to sort this out.
I long for the Kardashian's life of strap ons, babies and Dash for Cash.

Yesterday my trailer, The gun the cake and the butterfly,  for my film was shown along with about another twenty films at the New Media Film Festival in Los Angeles. It is wonderful seeing passion out of a telephone come alive. It was most welcoming and exciting to be part of this festival which was innovative and creative. Incredible films are being made on the iPhone for no budgets.


Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Kim Kardashian Sex Tape -- Who's Behind the Buy Out?


 Los Angeles  is steeped in sunshine before 8.30 in the morning, I  am watching The Kardashians, where one of the daughters, Kourtney, is discussing anal sex with her lover. He of course wants to do it, and she does not. How foolish of her. She is missing one of the greatest erotic adventures. Then she prances round the room with a strap on. How dull London looks when all we have to have to offer is Born in Chelsea?.  Kim Kardashian cries, tells us about her divorce and giving birth, and her fabulous bosoms. It is still only 9 in the morning. The Father is renting a house to get away from it all, the noise the nagging, to be able to leave the house in a total mess. There is something so understandable about his plight.  He wants freedom to play ping ball in the middle of the kitchen and eat takeaways. This would all be so declasse if it were not now the normal way to behave on daytime television.
I turn over and find two men in a bath, one complaining that they do not have enough sex.  My goodness I turn over again I get a lecture on fidelity and morality with a religious fanatic.
Fabulous lines like "On the crucial baby making day he could not make it work!"
Then I see a gay couple complaining, that a will has not been signed to leave one of them the house, and crying that he does not do the cleaning of the houses at week ends.  It is now only 9.30 in the morning.
I am receiving bank statements and dealing with the electrician of my new house off Melrose. Things are very practical round here. My hair is being dyed and my son, Charles Eliasch is having a sound a check for the opening song tonight at The New Media Film Festival where the trailer of my film The gun, the cake and the butterfly is in competition.  Francesca my house keeper cuts up fruit because otherwise we won't eat it. I dream of anal sex, actually any rough sort of sex would do with someone I love.

Monday, 3 June 2013

You should not be just pretty, you should be interesting

 I was nagged that I had a big ego because I wanted to be liked by everybody, loved and adored. I had never thought it was my ego, before, I just thought it was a more interesting way to be, than the reverse, but of course it causes the reverse.

I like the fact I was questioned on it. We do have 24 characteristic and use about four of them. I think this is why I did my film The gun, the cake and the butterfly, to show we can be diverse. Of course I was told at Drama School that my shining self would get everywhere and well the opposite I should pretend I did not have.  I can be very difficult.
I love Scott Fitzgerald.
Funny lines.
I had somehow forgotten.
"That's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool" The Great Gatsby, Scott Fitzgerald.
Another great line is
"And I like large parties, They're so intimate. At small parties there isn't any privacy" F Scott Fitzgerald again, The Great Gatsby.
In the beginning I thought the film, unlike the book was a big yawn, extravagant and boring then suddenly the fake changed, it became meaningful. I thought give this film a chance. It actually leaves you thinking a great deal.
So with the book in my brain and the film, I went last week end to listen to
Beyonce and Madonna talk and sing at Chimes for Change at Twickenham. A charity started by Gucci to help all girls and women everywhere become better educated. That way they help children have better lives. Gucci were very generous and it was a very moving day.

Saturday, 1 June 2013


A sense of peace has come over me, heaven knows why. Maybe my hormones are changing and I feel at last calm and happy. Peace is sexier than always having to have a gun in my pocket. It is exhausting to always have to assume that a knife is in your back, better to hold a green apple and put a smile on it.

It is my fault I am to overtly generous, and in giving people like to receive a little too often, and the expectation becomes the norm. Now I shall try to avoid buying friends. It becomes a heavy load on my back. I like to help, I like to be creatively generous, but then you find that the very people you have helped, have placed you in an impossible position. You seem to have to keep doing it, otherwise they hate you.  It is an aggressive black mail that has happened to me often. Last night I was told that I had to pay for a film I had not asked for. I had told the man clearly I did not want it, but he assumed I would do it as he had been on the payroll for a few months. He now loathes me as I do not want to fork out for his lusty lifestyle.  I want peace and as I said, there is a green apple in my pocket.

I loved the beauty of ancient birds, wonderful in the handsome Turner Prize winner Jeremy Deller's  Britain's magic exhibition, for Great Britain's pavilion in Venice. "There is the magic of Wonderment and the magic of deception" Deller says, and I agree.  The power of the Harrier Eagle crushing the very hated Four wheel drive in its claws. Soaring and floating the magnificent pre historic creatures softly lulled me into a place of dreams. I want to swoop along hedgerows, hills and green. Suddenly I wish to be very English again and pick wild fruit, ride dye my hair brown and clean out stables. I have squashed the normal. I loved this work in Venice, this simple yet magical film, The flattening of Range Rovers, the steel band. Perhaps I felt that was too African/British/African for the content. I would have preferred the violin playing  of Thomas Gould.
I did not think it necessary to hear about the fiasco of the humorous  Prince Harry, sort of irrelevant when you have wings of a dove.

Why have a disagreement over money. Surely common sense should prevail in all instances and people should see when they are genuinely taking the piss. It is simply a question of knowing who not to ask.
Rich in spirit is easier, as shown by the birds.

ROLLER SKATES with HIGH HEELS, this is a dream I like, I would like them on ski's too