Tuesday, 28 November 2017


Ten years ago when my 20 year marriage broke up  I carefully packed up boxes for Cadogan Tate, the removal company owned by my old friend Rohan Masson Taylor.  Thinking I would open them in one year, one year has became ten as I could not face reopening such a time warp. The pain, sadness and excitement I wrapped up lovingly in tissue paper became terrifying and  I  hoped that some magical elves would unpack them. Of course this person eventually had to be me. What I had hoped for at the time did not materialise the way I had thought it would, I had to do some more living and actually grow up. I now recognise the beginning, the middle and the end and see them as they come towards me.
I spiralled down memory lane with my underwear, each pair of pants, bra and corset reminds me of a different wonderful moment. Tears rolling down my face and laughter too.  I could remember every story in detail, a storage rooms in Harley Street, showers, trains, half in shock, half in amusement. I quickly stuffed them into a bag for my lovely sisterly cousins Lara and Lish. A black and white one reminded of a love story in my flat in Montparnasse in Paris and a lift which I got stuck in, another instance making love in a swimming pool in a garden with a dog howling in time to the orgasm.  I will forget that I was told that the man in question has and had at least three girls at any given moment because truthfully he is about the only straight man and so I would only expect that nowadays.
It was funny to see my sense of style was very much the same and that the clothes had not gone out of fashion. I am still wearing corsets, black fingerless gloves with thick black tights. In amongst my underwear was a medal my Father Anthony Cave Brown got from the USA  from Ronald Regan. An award for drinking and writing about corruption during the Cold War years and World War One and Two. I was thinking he got the medal for not paying his bills.
I looked onto a friend's bookshelf recently and saw a birthday card saying "wasn't the past marvellous.  I thought it was depressing and for me even in depression there is something magical about every stage of life. Even as I was a little confused looking into my old collection of delicate lingerie I was both happy and sad. The past was good and so is the present and future, good and bad in equal portions. I have so many wonderful friends and family. I am a lucky girl.
It made me think, what I wanted then has not come to fruition, but that I have learnt and explored.

Photograph by Inesa De La Roche.

Another thing acomplished is lowering my Cholesterol levels at my latest addiction The Mayr Clinic in Althausee which I totally adore for many reasons. My friends think I am in love with the Doctor but despite the ravishing good looks and excellent personality  of Dr Sepp Fegerl, it is the lake I am in awe of, so there.  In the morning I have an omelette, lunchtime some chicken and vegetables and the evening potatoes and some manchengo cheese. Within four days my tummy is flatter and I am more energetic, most of all it gives me time to think, which for me  is its most important asset especially after the problems I had last month, but I am leaving the drama of the elf  to the FBI and Steven Heath, my tough attorney from the North of England to deal with that.  Never forget that prevention is better the cure and health is worth taking the time to learn about. You cannot prevent dying but you can make living terrific by feeling much better,  breathing correctly, walking in the moutains and eating intelligently. You can also find yourself singing along to The Sound of Music in sauna's and being lusted after by men dressed up as the Christmas Devil, Krampas. Two years ago I loved being here at Christmas and helped write a script with Lyall Watson on Egon Schiele the artist.

Two other essentials I have discovered this year is  decorator  Victoria Cator's wonderful smelling scented candles that make every room in my house alluring  and there is nothing nicer than walking into a sweet smelling house.  I also have fallen in love with  TrinnyLondon's  new make up range, simple to use and whip out when you are in a hurry and having to look wonderful in ten minutes, I am honoured to have a lipstick named after me called Demon. I had burst into tears when I found out that was my nickname that my sons had given me, but the colour looks divine, Trinny has created looks for everybody and every age. It arrives in chic yellow and silver packaging and feels a treat . How to make life even better is to also join the dance class of Jo Manoukian. Although everybody is brilliant they encourage me to move,  I say feel the fear and do it anyway.

So despite the expectations that the pale blue lingerie held for me ten years ago but did not bare fruit, other people and moments like making my film The gun the cake and the butterfly have brightened my life, and luckily my wishes changed so that the past can make me cry with joy even though I did not succeed in getting what I thought I wanted.