Monday, 16 July 2012


I was sitting at the swimming pool at Shutters and thinking about how to start my book on "How to steal your best friends husband" . I was thinking about it as a novel, as a play and as a film.  Wondering as I looked around how easy it actually would be.  In front of me were four screaming children, a fat wife, and a very good looking hen pecked husband.  I quickly put on my lipstick, coiffed my hair and put on my biggest grin. It was easy. The wife was changing a nappy in the corner and the husband gave me his number. 
I will start the book when I get home, but frankly women are idiots. We live in a world where there a hundreds of beautiful women and basically men can pick and choose, just as we can.  A love story can start in an instant, with a smile.  Now to be honest this is not what I want.  I was just experimenting.   I was laughing with two friends who were equally horrified by the sloppiness of the  wife next to the bomb of a husband.
This afternoon I went into Beverly Hills I needed to have a bit of glamour. Santa Monica is wonderful but a bit too relaxed for my liking.  I went and had a spray tan at Shay Todd, at Di Sole behind the beautiful swimsuit store. The Di Sole store was stunning, all white and the spray tan excellent.  I then went to Tonya Crooks shop for eye brow reconstruction, which she does incredibly well nearby and had my hair done too.  I was going out with Peter Medak to the opening of Outfest the Gay and Lesbian Film festival. I did not feel totally at home there so I went to Soho House with my good friend Ed Bennett Coles for a drink.  It was funny with views across town.
An attractive woman sat next door to us and looked nervous. So I asked her what her name was and where she came from. She said she came from Maui, and her name was  Rebecca Walker, a writer.  I said a great friend of mine  came from there too called Cat de Rham. She is a brilliant photographer. She knew my friend and they were best friends.  
Then I spoke to the waiter, who lived in the next door street to me in London.  
The third coincidence was the best. I bumped into the couple who ruined my marriage. The couple who wrote a letter to my husband saying I was having an affair.  Still looking unscathed by the ghastliness of their behaviour.  You see the wife was stealing from my supposed lover.  It was funny because I felt nothing but pity for these two unhealthy humans. Worst of all the husband used to be a great friend.  Perhaps I should also do a book called "How to be an evil bitch and get away with it" In any case the wife did not get away with it. Of course the couple are treated like lepers, people cross the street when they see them.
I shall go back to the drawing board tomorrow and start my story with them. You see I have never been happier, they in the end did me a favour, so perhaps I should have blown them a kiss?.

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