Tuesday, 13 March 2012

CRASH THE RED CARPET


Everything is for sale in this town, the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman, and the mice.  Money in Hollywood has a habit of disappearing,  so be careful, as nobody seems to be earning anything and are haggling for everything.
 Tinseltown is silent without The Oscars, The Emmys, and The Grammys.  It will heat up again after Thanksgiving.  So if you hate celebrity then visit now, as unless they are given a first class ticket, three suites in an hotel,  free clothes, free cars,  free stylists, press,make up artist and a hair stylist, on tap, the celebs won’t be here.
In real life you are doomed  if you believe in youth and money, not here.
Everybody is  quiet in Beverly Hills unless there is a knife up their back  and a sack of golden coins to the front to make them smile.  There is a fakeness and yes it is charming.  It is sunny but it is a difficult place if you don’t know people and if can’t drive, you will find it lonely. You have to create your own bubble.
If you want someone to like you,  you have to do what they like and you have to pay.  That’s why here  everything that is good is commercial.  Misery sells, kitchen sink drama sells, charm sells, pretty Demi Moore breaking up with her 25 year old boyfriend sells especially if the boy goes off with another star.
People are forgotten quickly and it depends how much you spend on public relations.
For me if there was one man in the planet that I liked and he loved me, I would like to be invisible to everybody else.  It would then be good   to be not seen by the rest of the world, that would give  me peace. 
When I came here it was sunny in February, I was in love, and the dollar was two to the pound.
What is fame? It is a commodity? 
It is a costume and you take it off at the door. Most people want to be an exhibition and then what? They will be a spectator sport. It is an insecure position to put yourself in.  There will always be a prettier, younger, cleverer person in the room, and few are Valentino in his prime.
Here if you want to crash a red carpet, make sure you go with a friend who looks like a  bossy PR, slightly plainer than you are, so you look the star, and then ask her to hold a board up saying your name in large letters so that the photographers pick it up.   They won’t know who you are otherwise. Make sure your make up has been put on well, you are stylish and you say you have television show.  It doesn’t matter which one, nobody knows, because they are unlikely to have watched it as there is such good weather here. They will also be looking over your shoulder for the next juicy steak.  Have a charity that you  need to proclaim, choose from subjects like cruelty to puppies to starving  children in Africa,  Remember the poor child in the photograph is unlikely to benefit, more likely be killed.  
As you go out remember Coco Chanel’s  wise words, and take one thing off and work the costume. Coco Chanel was a philosopher, and is someone to listen too if you want to climb far. In England, this won’t work,  if you don’t look good, even if the photographers know you, unless you have real celebrity they will leave you in peace, they are educated on who you are and you don’t need to have a name tag.
I was told I was brave yesterday to drive a Mustang, as you are judged the minute you leave your garage.  My answer  to this is  I don’t give a damn I do not want people like this in my life.
I notice people were very angry with the anti semetic comments of John Galliano, but they still drive Mercedes which in turn drove the gas chambers.  So It is all bullshit. Same problem with diamonds, there is equally a large amount of  blood on a real diamonds as on a fur.  Although here is tinseltown they know the difference and they attach a charity to it, have certificates for it and then of course sell it “Blood Free”
If you find time to go to the Beach and hang out in Tapanga you are never going to make it.  This is a working city.
Do not forget this is place you can get Cupcakes in a slot machine.

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