Friday, 26 March 2010

I WOULD RATHER HAVE A BATH THAN BURRITOS AND MAMAS













I hate the idea of dates and dating.. It makes me feel I am closed off and in a prison. Last night some person who will remain nameless was sweet enough to ask me for dinner. This is a rarity, as I usually have to pay. A sad fact of life but true, or I don't get dinner at all, in any case I am always on a diet. Food for me is just a necessity and not a pleasure. I dressed down as I thought it was a hippy area, but with my hair and make up done by Angela Kalinowski from the Montage Hotel and Tanya Crooks make up artist to the stars, both Beverly Hills professionals. We agreed to meet on Vine and Sunset Blvd, that is about the last street I recognise before I feel LA disappear into a mass of concrete. I am a lousy driver, terrified and neurotic. Of course I had told my friend this but he obviously didn't listen. So I arrived at Vine, was sort of picked up, but kept waiting. I then followed him to his house in Silverlake. This is meant to be very hip, but we arrived in the dark. I was unable to appreciate it in any form. In his apartment I was greeted by the largest dog I had ever seen, I have an aversion to all breeds except greyhounds and whippets. I looked around and although it was tidy it was not clean, the white carpet had seen better days. His dog was licking him on his face jumping up, was I supposed to kiss him after this good dog scenario?. I have become like Howard Hughes looking forward to my fifth bath of the day. We then went to the restaurant with the panting dog,( which was stupidly my idea), in the back of the car, and my date looking like a good looking Charles Manson.. He was adorably keen, and I was lying and yet not. I suppose I could have been keen, but I no longer know. I ate dinner in a dream, in some joint which had signs up in neon saying Burritos and Mamas. A supposedly french restaurant although the food was American. The poor man had made some effort, but I am a spoilt bitch. I was about to pay and the man gallantly produced his card. I begged him to take me home so that I wasn't frightened, and to make sure he didn't leave me. He said yes. I jumped into my car and off we went me following him. We got to the freeway and I tried to keep up but could not. I was terrified. Cars were coming up behind me, lights flashing. Lorries and vans coming from every direction and my friend had disappeared. I was terrified.. I stopped with hooting all around me. I was shaking. I tried to call and my telephone would n't work, my fingers were unable to dial. Luckily he called just as I about to die, and he picked me up shortly afterwards. I drove home in a daze. Hardly romantic, and totally exhausted I ran a bath and jumped into it,there is truth in the saying "There is no free lunch" Poor man what does a nice guy like this need a woman like me for? His Mother obviously never warned him, about blondes and red lipstick.

1 comment:

Jane said...

Well.

That is the date from hell.

Lessons?

You have already learned them but I take from it

1. Never trust a man who lets a large dog lick his face

2. Take your own car that way you are in control.

3. Choose restaurant yourself. I have heard speak of the horror of some US restaurants.

Have another bath and you will feel ssoooo much better.

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