Last night I was luck to be given incredible tickets and so I went to the opening of Nabraska. I arrived in time to see a fit and spectacular Arielle Dombasle walk the red carpet, she looks like a fairy from Midsummer Nights Dream. She was showing her film Opium after La belle et la bete by Jean Cocteau.
My heart was torn between the films.

Nabraska is a film about being old, falling apart and dreaming of winning a million dollars. In black and white it was a festival feast of the bitterness, the lunacy, the laughter of becoming elderly. A well made and touching film  with brilliant performances all round. Full to brims people stood to cheer.

At the same time Amfar was raising twenty million for the prevention of Aids, at the Hotel du cap. Supported by Kenneth Cole and Chopard and many famous faces and other brands  this is an incredible  charity.

Yesterday I had a great time at the Italian Pavilion in the charming company of Pascal Vicedomini. My film The gun the cake and the butterfly have reached the ears of Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. I feel quite proud,  a year ago I had not evan thought of making a film. My film has been selected for the Ischia Film and Music Festival 14th-21st July and it was vocally supported by Christoph Waltz and Elsa Zylberstein.
I also had a peaceful morning by the sea in the unfashionable part of Cannes, not Nikki beach, not The Carlton but a small shabby restaurant which had beds on the beach. Much better than The Carlton and believe it or not, they were empty. I must be growing up that I like unfashionable.

I was given some wonderful tickets, for the supposed winner of the Palme D'or last night, however, sadly, if you enjoyed Only God forgives, then you have to be put into a mental institution immediately. It is sick, vulgar and aimless written by Nicholas Winding. The only attractive man in it, was in the shape of Ryan Gosling. Minute seconds of reprieve come from images of his mother, played by the brilliant Kristin Scott Thomas who reminded me of an ageing Essex girl, who had been on the game.  She looked authentic, and if only she had been allowed to live? I wanted her to kill everybody. 
Throngs of people still crowd the streets, there are police everywhere with whistles and batons. However, luckily the sun shines again. The film fitted in perfectly, with todays violence, mafia are on every corner. I wonder how my favourite Jane Campion sees the value of this film? 
For me it was worse than eating shepherds pie made out of lamb. Enough of negativity. I daresay young impressionable school boys will love it, and hopefully they will learn what not to do.  

What a week I have had, I was determined to walk the streets like some impoverished artist hawking her wares. To feel the hard graft at the root of the Festival of Cannes. There is something about work that is infinitely more interesting than having somebody do a favour for you. I like to be free of advice and learn on my feet. It is not easy to sell a film, otherwise every little mammal would do it. It does not mean it is impossible, just a tricky and very uneasy road.
All beliefs are possible provided you want them.

AMANDA ELIASCH CANNES FILM FESTIVAL

I saw the gun shots outside Chopard, policeman running in all directions, people listening to music. I have had lunch at the Hotel du Cap with Alice Bamford, the most delicious one, where her rose wine is chilled to perfection.  I have been on a luxurious boat with  some Russian family, I have been to Diane PernetsASVOFF short film evening with Magnum ice-cream, entertained by American Express and had laughter with artist and LA Head of BAFTA, Nigel Daly.  Also a wonderful lunch with the BFI where I sat with Marc Cousins and talked about romance. Had my make up done by Emma O'byrne fitted in between her hugely rich clients, laughed all night with my friend Boris Ristic, and seen a couple of films with the BFI.  Listened and taken advice from my wonderful friend Ron Rotholz.  From walking the streets life feels truly alive and vital.

Some days are the best, and today was one of those days. It was beautiful weather for the most part, and I had a brilliant lunch at the BFI talking about wonderful love stories directed and written by Mark Cousin.  Based  around his niece and nephew he told the unusual stories of children in film. The touching, the shy, the terrified, the noble, the class system, it was a fascinating and extraordinary afternoon. Best of all was sitting and laughing with him comparing our tattoos, and our love for making films for next to nothing.  I love this.  A wonderful documentary giving the watcher an amazing afternoon.
I then checked out the Carlton, The Martinez, Vesuvio a boat on the port, and a delicious dinner with my favourite best friend. More I could not wish for?.

Why are we allowing 8 men in our prisons who raped and used a girl of twelve as a sex slave to stay alive. Why do we keep such monsters. They are clearly evil, they are mentally sick and on top of that they cost a fortune to keep? Why do we keep these people alive but no one takes the blame or helps the little girl? The little girls life is ruined, and she wrote help all over her body, and the men branded her flesh, and injected her with heroin. Haven't we gone mad as a society?
Then on top of this five more girls were sexually abused whilst in the care of Oxfordshire's county council?
Why are we keeping the man who put photographs of the girl he murdered,  in the nude, on his computer alive? Why? Have we, the do gooders become mentally deranged?  Come on, we have to wake up, we are a very sick society. No one in their right mind would let these sort of men into our society ever again. After the drama of Jimmy Saville and the recent accusations are we going to carry on letting these men have their sick way?

The Cannes Film Festival is different for everybody, that is what I like about it. Hectic, hot, cramped, noisy and busy. I have been going for at least thirty years and my love of film has been an evan longer addiction.

The glitz, the glamour, Eden Rock late at night, the bar at the top, the bar at the bottom, The Martinez where the true workers stay, the glamorous stars in villas hidden away. Then on top of that the buzz of the pr's that send you endless amounts of information about parties, the dresses, the colour of the lipstick, the stars, the stories, the good and the bad, the jewels, the cocktails, the hair and the boats. I have heard everything. I have been given week ends on boats that never moved, to move a boat round a corner is about 35,000 pounds so you think twice about where you stay.  I have stayed at the Carlton, The Martinez, Eden Roc, Hotel du Cap.  I used to spend 6 weeks in August at the Hotel du Cap until it made me into a spoilt brat..  I lived in the best house in St Tropez, but who cares?  For me the best thing I ever did  was to visit a lover late at night, at 1am, after he had walked the red carpet, and to make love with him until the small hours. Those stolen moments made my life much more interesting.
Never the party.
To make love to a man who had cameras flashing all evening, was incredible.
Now I have a film to sell I am trying a new way to see this incredible business. A working way.  The sweaty workers, the agents "hot to trot", tired from seeing films at 8am until past midnight.
To open and close the Cannes film festival can be exciting.
I  am so happy I  can at last close my ears to the woman talking  shopping, the all night dancing, the shmoozing and the hope of a five minute conversation with Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sitting talking to middle aged men sipping the finest champagne, and chatting up long legged blondes is thank goodness behind me. I like something with depth and finesse, and men who can see their toes. If I can they can.
People long for invitations and the conversations go like this. "Friday I have the lunch with the BFI, followed by the Finch dinner, then Amfar, I am coming in on the jet at 4pm with Bruce, and afterwards we will have drink with Scorsese, and so on. So this year I am checking the other side of things. Forget the glamour, well just a little, I will still wear red lipstick and high heels, but this time I shall find out about the hard graft. No better way than on the job selling The gun the cake and the butterfly.
Of course I am wearing a little long number from Givenchy, chiffon sleeve, slinky body, a black dress from Dior, a Rick Owens short jacket, Shoes by YSL, and I shall wear my hair very very high. In between selling I shall remember the past, the gentle knocking at a door past midnight, and I shall relive the story all over again, as no one take away my memory.

It is my birthday whatever that means, because at this age it is all nonsense. You see everything very clearly, and I am just pleased that my film, The gun the cake and the butterfly gets some notice, because it is something to be proud about. I really believe it is a clever film, made by the latest team involved. It did take ages to get people together that were able to do the artistic side of the job well. At last it looks good enough to show. It was irksome when everything was not quite right, rather like politicians, some people just had to go.  I love my poster that Hector Abaunza did yesterday for me.

MIMI AS AMANDA 

I also loved Thomas Gould's violin playing last night at my birthday party. He played the music that Boris Ristic wrote for the film. He has incredible energy, and like all the men in my life, has good legs. It is funny actually. I remember my Aunt liking long legs, and my Mother liking emaciated men, I think I got the trend from them.
I am very happy this year as my first film, has got into four festivals, The New York International Film Festival, The New Media Film Festival, La Jolla and The Ischia film and music festival. Boo Hoo.
On another note:

Have politicians lost all sense of reason?
1.When they privatise the Royal Mail, they will lose votes no question.
2.If they do a mansion tax they will lose, no question.
3. When they tax the extra granny room they will lose votes no question.
4. If they change the way rich people live here, all the property market will collapse and the banking system too, therefore bankrupting what is left of Great Britain.
If we did not allow every country on the planet to happily luxuriate in our health service, and if we did not allow every country to load our welfare system with  bills and believe that people with four or more children should receive benefits, we would live in a better world, but nothing intelligent goes on at Number 10 or 11.
In any case, we as citizens of the England, do not have a real say, and we do not live in a democracy. Why don't they stop taking in so many immigrants who must seriously hate England. Who would like our endless bad weather? Imagine for a second, landing up in Mile End Road, when you think you are going to get to the Land of milk and money, sorry honey. I always thought Babylon was the land of milk and honey.  Anyway these values have gone out of the window. No nobody ever beat us in an invasion but they sure have bankrupted our welfare system? Where there is a will there is a way?

Back to making films, Los Angeles, and sunshine, now that will keep a smile on my very happy face.
I think I shall take a flight out of here and forget what is happening to this wonderful country, or live in the Malvern Hills away from everything.

Punk Rock is an age I adore.  It is my age.  The age when lyrics were dangerous, jeans were skinny and tight, and bad behaviour was cool.   I personally loved the violence, the snarls, the tight tight clothes, the aggression.  I felt dangerous, of course being too young,  I was not included, but I felt it.  The Queen of  Punk was not Madonna, although she did it so well, but really the Gogo's, in any case the cup goes to the Sex Pistols.  
Yesterday, at The Met Ball, they celebrated the coming of age of the Punk Rocker, but all who tried too hard, looked a messy shambles of badly dressed people, except Madonna.  

Declasse of course, the ripped stockings, the pointy high heals, the tartan, the piercings. We Punks are old now or getting old, and people forget quickly. The point was to celebrate punk not to wear it, unless you were one.   Ana Wintour  opted for the safer option and was plunged in flowers wearing a Chanel dress, and  Kim Kardashian wore a daring number by Riccardo Tisci.  I will of course think twice about saying anything in case some very serious fashionistas have a go at me, and Kim is heavily pregnant.  Let's say it was brave and difficult choice to make in your third trimester.  I thought she looked better in PRADA the day before.  I like simplicity and flowers generally don't do it for me, not evan on Ana Wintour. Flowers tend to expand on the derriere, or make you look like a aging Aunt. I love both Chanel and Tisci, just that I go to the safer side of the wardrobe and like plain clothes. 
I actually like to look like a punk nun, a funeral gnome.
Kim had wonderful make up, and she glistened. It is the way to go when you have only a few weeks left in pregnancy. Clever to wear plain clothes if you wish to survive criticism.  She is entitled to wear what the hell she wants, she has a small baby growing inside after all. She is also the partner to the most important family in Hollywood. The Hiltons and the Jolie's all seem to have disappeared after she has worked the city.

I realise I was entirely up to date by choosing Pam Hogg to show her clothes in Hollywood. The mother superior of punk/show girl, who has dressed every star and Diva in Los Angeles. Last week for Brit Week, she reigned at my house in Devlin Place.. She is an original, and her clothes, after three decades,  still look bang up to date today.  I loved her ideas around my pool. They would have looked perfect at the Met last night.

What a whirlwind my life has been. I have sold a house, made a film and had OPFASHART in my  house. So enthralling. No lying around here. Last night I showed my film and was happy with the labours of my team from Anarchy Post.
This is what was said about The gun the cake and the butterfly

Ed Pressman said "I was engrossed by the film – and thought it brave, proud, and sad."

Sally Kirkland said "It's a very original, artistic and personal work – Amanda is really putting herself out there as a bold new filmmaker."

This evening Amanda Eliasch presents her idea of her colorful British and Los Angeles life, mixing her worlds of art, classical music and fashion . With the support from Brit Week and as Fashion editor of Genlux Magazine.  She has chosen those she admires most.

The work, of the brilliant and talented Pam Hoggs.  Watching her career with delight.  Amanda loves her body suits, her innovative designs.  Pam has been at the forefront of British Fashion for three decades. Admired and studied, she is held in great esteem.

Amanda has included work from artist Duggie Fields, along with the sensuous paintings of self taught, Nigel Daly and the sculpture prints of her great friend Yassi Mazandi.

With her love of opera and classical music , she has been a huge influence in the life of her son opera singer, Charles Eliasch, who will sing with Lisa Zane.

Her life is attached to the drama and taste of her fellow Britain’s here in Los Angeles. She has always loved opera, my Mother was an opera singer.

From a young child she was influenced by  her grandfather, writer director and producer, Sidney Gilliat’s films, St Trinians and generally British Film from the 1960’s, The Servant, The L shaped room. Hitchcock’s The Lady Vanishes which her grandfather wrote the script for. 

From the age of 12 Amanda wanted to be a Fashion Editor. “Genlux asked me to be one at 47, so with a happy smile I realized an early ambition”.

AMANDA ELIASCH, DUGGIE FIELDS AND LULU

She has now done two neon art shows one called The Seven Deadly sins, several black and white photographic shows, written two books of poetry, Cloak and Dagger Butterfly and Sins of a butterfly and lastly made her first film, The gun, the cake and the butterfly, directing, acting and producing it with Justine Glenton, Her son Charles Eliasch, Edited by Hector Abaunza, with original music by Boris Ristic who is the DJ tonight.

ARTISTS

FASHION DESIGNER

Pam Hogg’s studied printed textiles at The Glasgow School of Art where she won a prize for distinction and then won a scholarship for The Royal Society of Arts, which took her onto The Royal College of Art. She launched her first fashion collection in 1981 and was part of the new wave of designers who rocked London. She is feisty independent, talented and continually surprises the fashion world with her innovative ideas. More contemporary than contemporary, she thrills London with her designs.
ARTIST

Duggie Fields studied art at The Chelsea College of Art, and he is a colorful character on the art scene.

One of my favorite paintings of his is in this house, a blonde Marilyn type woman in tight trousers, sexy, modern and with a 1950’s twist, he embodies what I love about the art world, and introduces you to his world of vibrant personalities. He strong personal style is to be admired. I have been a fan of  Duggie’s for twenty years. Tonight he he generously donates a print to his audience in Los Angeles.

ARTIST

Nigel Daly romantic and sensuous paintings I adore, he embodies his ‘self taught’ ideas and compliments my friends here in Los Angeles. He has a cheerful and wonderful character that is admired.

Yassi Mazandi talented and strong from Iran but educated in British style. A debutante who grew into one of the best sculptures. Still early in her career, but I have been a fan since the start. I love seeing Yassi in Los Angeles, we usually have lemon cake with a Starbucks coffee. She studied as a photographer at Beechlawn College in Oxford, England in the 1980’s and then continued with ceramics and sculpture at Greenwich House Pottery, New York.  Self taught and experimental in all mediums.
FOLK SINGER AND 

Lisa Zane, folk singer, and actress. I have had a crush on Lisa since I met her with my good friend Michel Comte. Born in Chicago she has beautiful looks. In my play As I like it, she acted as the opera singer. She has charisma and panache on stage that few have. I love her French chanson, and ability to change her voice.

Charles Eliasch, baritone, educated at Harrow School in London, and Mannes College of Music and now heads towards The Royal Welsh College of Music.

He made his debut last month at Carnegie Hall singing Shubert Lieder, Bellini and Mozart.

Other work by British Artists Here

In the house

Nicholas Barker painting in the bedroom of  Brigite Bardot

Adam Fuss a silver butterfly

Furniture and lamps by Mark Brazier Jones

Baba Anan pink painting

Drawing Room

Skull by Atelier Van Lies shout

Dan Attoe neon a girl on a bicycle

Natasha Law Red Painting

Sasha Newley painting of temptation in the hall

Duggie Fields

Kirstan Glass

Yassi Mazandi

Models

Many thanks to

Vivianne Hamilton Wilhelmina

Sadie Burris Wilhelmina

Jessa Cygan 951 282 8896

Sarah Sebring 949 300 2443

Taylor Montague Wilhelmina

Mariah Strongin Wilhelmina

Ban Uelos

Brittany Martinez Aston.
Tatiana Dekhtyar  310 7709213

Many thanks to  Brit Week

George Blodwell, Boris Ristic

Andrew Freedman Public

Relations

310 271 0011

Why to do the British love Los Angeles? The fantasy place on the planet. A working capital with wonderful nature, views and interesting architecture. I understand it, it is land of fruit and nuts.
The first week I moved here I was walking down the street when a man places his hands on my back and asks me to be a Fashion Editor. I had wanted the job at 12. This job is special I can do it in England and with the use of the internet, communicate with Los Angeles over night. At 48 I thought I should accept immediately. I like to say yes when people ask me to do work, it is better than always saying no, and always leads to something else. I however hate trading with money. I like to do it with feeling. If I feel like it, I will do it.
I like houses here in Los Angeles, I get lost in their stories. First of all I bought a house underneath Sierra Alta Towers, convenient, but I always felt as if the Tower would come tumbling down on my head, so I moved to Eden Place, in Beverly Hills Post Office. Truly something magical. With beautiful views, newly done it was a paradise on earth. However I had forgotten that the pound can change against the dollar and so I found the tax for three months of idyllic living, heavy.  So with new ideas of trying out another life, I moved to Janet Leigh's old house in Summitridge Drive. It was a interesting journey into doing something up in Los Angeles. Luckily I asked Martyn Lawrence Bullard to lend his time, and together we made something very ordinary into a wonderful place to live.  I of course got itchy feet. I was trying to find myself in the hilly land of Hollywood. It took me a year and then I was off to find a convenient house, and now I am about to move from it, in Devlin Place, which once belonged to Penelope Cruz.  It was probably the easiest house to live in, but my sons are at an age that they like to walk the streets. They are English and so no I am off to try the flats off Melrose. I love spending life watching property markets, living in houses that I may or may never own. The journey here in Los Angeles has been a lucky happy bumpy one.  I have sometimes lost money, sometimes made money, and after four years have come out evenly.  Other than a few thefts, my maid running off with 2,000 dollars, Chrome Angels running off with 5,000 dollars instead of customising my car, I have made some incredible friends, made a film, worked as a fashion editor and done an art exhibition on the 7 Deadly Sins. I like to join in, I am no shrinking violet.
I like all aspects of this city, and this week I am giving a Fashion Show with the very creative Pam Hoggs, and Art Show with Duggie Fields, Yassi Mazandi, Kay Saatchi, Nigel Daly, and opera with my Son Charles Eliasch and Folk singer Lisa Zane, for Britweek and Genlux Magazine. At the same time I am editing my film at Anarchy Post, The gun the cake and the butterfly. They mix and edit many documentaries. My life feels full and there is never a dull moment.
Yesterday I went to the airport to pick up a friend. The love shown to friends, relatives. Short pretty girls waiting patiently with banners, welcoming boyfriends. People arriving home from long trips abroad. Lost children looking to be picked up. Students waiting for a girl friend. There was something touching. I realised that I have never been picked up at an airport. I have picked up three boyfriends. To go to an airport is like an hospital. A worthwhile effort for people you love and adore. As a young girl I used to enjoy watching people at Paddington Station, and now I could stay all day long at LAX.

The woman can fly for love 
Be raped for love
Pack suitcases for love 
Wear red for love
She can wash her heart for love
Eat apples for love
And imagine flying through the sky
Like a dove
with passion
For love
She can carry a gun for love
 And kill for love
Become a vegetarian for
Love
Bake cakes for love
She can build furniture
For love
And learn languages for
Love
She can sleep
When in love
And die for love
She can even dream of
Being with a man
And know what they are doing

And where they will be For love
And most importantly forgive for love 

I love learning. I always have. I like putting myself into new things, provided they do not involve sharks, water and heights.  I like mixing mediums, film, art, music, classical and contemporary, politics, religion, morals and fashion. I jumble them all up like happy bed fellows. I love feeling that each day I can learn ten new things. I try not to get stuck on any one thing. To push myself to like something I would not normally swim with. Okay I like the Shark of Damian's, okay okay. Actually I remember how bad its skin was.
Someone else who likes the Art World is Mr Pablo Ganguli from Liberatum, the cultural brand that loves a mixture of cultures. Two nights ago we were treated to an evening at the W Hotel,  funky and up to date. I sat opposite Pam Hogg, who with her yellow hair and cutting edge style is an incredible woman. I am begging her to come to Los Angeles with me. I want to wear her gear I totally love her punk pioneering ideas. Also the quietly spoken Ron Arad. We were given a delicious dinner  toasting John Hurt's exciting career. With company like Billy Zane the night was a huge success. The brilliant were out. Stephen Frears. An eclectic mix of people that only Pablo can put together. Who could not have an interesting time in the company of brilliance, a working dinner. Amanda Neville, the BFI.

VERSUS

Margaret Thatcher wore royal blue and with bows around her neck. With her hair swept to one side she wasn't elegant, but tidy, and in a mans world she appeared strong. You felt she wore the British Flag around her body and within her heart.  Margaret was always hated and admired in equal portions, however she should be respected. She ruled lest we forget Great Britain, from 1979-1990. A time of huge financial change for good and bad.
Her energy was unsurpassed, she apparently  slept with a teaspoon in her hand, and when it fell to the ground, she woke up as she had had enough sleep. She remembered names, places, she was a fanatic, a conviction politician. She allowed us to buy our Council Houses.  Rich socialists and fake communists may forget that she gave them the opportunity to be the people they are today. She was not appreciative of the arts, and loosened the restrictions for bankers. She was good for war time, and war mongering.
She spoke with authority and clarity, and unlike other politicians, we can easily name, she believed in what she did.
It was an age of great political characters Michael Foot, Michael Heselting, Tony Benn, I like them all, the fighting, the clarity. They were brilliant speakers. Today the House of Commons is a dull place, I would not stand in line for five hours waiting to watch a sitting, like I did at the start of The Falklands crisis.
Her critics obviously  don't remember the three day week, the strikes causing the flour rations, the electricity going off because of the the dockers, the power workers, the coal miners, under Ted Heath 1970-1974. We were like the Greeks going to the IMF for a bailout. Only the fifty year olds will remember.
What a pity we like to be odious louts. We supposedly live in a democracy, that is ruled by who votes where. So if you don't like something, get out of bed and vote. You have the choice, we had the choice, and democracy chose her.
There are much worse things going on now under the guise of political correctness.

A year ago, women were complaining that there were not enough females in the film industry, their case has to be considered. Most of the important people in film are males. I wanted to see why? At the same time my ex husband raised him eyebrows when I said I was going to The Cannes Film Festival.  He did this in front of my younger son. I did not want my son to see that I could not do it. So with a dare in the back of my head, and a script I had from my play As I like it. I started shooting the following week. I asked all my friends at the time to work for me.  Phil Scala said he wanted to do the sound, Alex Webster my photography assistant said he would work with everybody helping them, and Fredrik Andersson would be the DP. He is from Sweden and I trust the Swedes, they are dedicated and hard working. Phil thought I should bring the play up to date and put in documentary footage. I wanted to use the actresses who had played the part of me in London, Justine Glenton, directed by Lyall Watson and in Los Angeles's Macha Theatre, Elizabeth Karr, directed by John Alan Simons.
My intention was to make a surreal but true version of my life, using six actresses to play me. There are 40,000 out of work actresses in England alone. Brilliant ones who never get work .  The casting in the world is quite rightly safe, too much money is at stake. I  just wanted to have a go, make a film, and through experience learn a business and see what it was like.

I used my ideas, my clothes, my feeling, for better or for worse, me. It was the only thing that was true.
During the first few weeks of shooting I had wonderful luck, there was beautiful weather, the girls looked fresh, worked hard. The boys insisted on using their own cameras. This has later caused lots of problems. Do not use anything but the same camera, one that shoots easily in the format it is intended for. It puts the editing room into a tizzy, if it is not,whatever anybody tells you. Some of the footage was old. I used everything.
Justine was hardworking. She tackled the script well. . It was tricky, she had played the part for three weeks, and rehearsed it for another three weeks before. The intention was to have pity for me, but I have too wonderful life to continue to feel this. Movie Pictures are just that, moving pictures but she had a charm, and an ability to play all ages. With the luck of finding a young actress who was eight years old Called Mimi Dean I was on my way.
I had a burglary on the first day of shooting, the equipment, cameras all footage was stolen, some of the actresses did not learn their lines. They know who they are and will not be mentioned here.  I felt I was patronised.This only made me stronger. When the first part of filming was done, I waited to do my next bit. I asked for the footage to be edited. After 9 weeks of waiting Phil Scala turned up with about two scenes. The men started to complain that the different cameras were causing a problem.. I had allowed them to use whatever they wanted. This was not a good idea. So I got another team. This time it was more solid, more up to date.  Not shinier than the old team just perhaps more me.  I just used the script to map out my ideas.
I was very stressed, so much work. Too much to do, and I did not understand everything, If you make your own film you have to be charming but tough. People can take you for a ride, with their abilities. Be ready to ride out hic cups.  It was a learning curve. I was not always easy. With money running out of the house, people originally not being professional, it was a nightmare. Now it seems a breeze. My advice would be always use people that you are interested in the film, experts in their field, and easy to work with. However, the best bit of filming was probably taken in Venice by Tomas Auksas, then aged 19, with no previous experience. So, also take some risks. 

In this day and age why have more than two children?.  Where is the money coming to fund it?  The tax payer?   As I walk the streets of any city in the world, it is claustrophobic and unbearable, the human race seems to have become more unattractive than the rat.  If you decide have ten children, is it a reason to never do a days work?  If you have many children, you are surely well enough to get yourself an occupation.   There are many who have well timed pregnancies so they never miss their family allowance, this should be stopped.  If you have ten children you get it for nine of them? This is irresponsible and should not be allowed.
Is there a reason to tax grannies owning an extra bedroom, but allow people of other religions to have one? Christianity needs to develop a necessity for  kneeling. I might become a Muslim, Morman or an Amish?
There are always loop holes for the greedy and lazy, but whilst they fill out the forms to receive, surely their time would be better spent, and more interesting, if they tried to get employed, or create a job. The education system in this country is incredible on many levels, however it would be a whole lot better if we reached for the stars instead of digging a hole to graves. We ultimately all die and so the National Health System is of course going to be one of our largest expenses. It too should not be misused.
I am glad that the government is questioning everything. Immigration has to be tougher.  This may be politically incorrect but if we have to tax people who can afford very little then we cannot afford another person entering this country.

What do you do for your son when they reach 21? What does a son want you to do? My son Charlie has dreamt about singing at Carnegie Hall since he watched the film Farenelli when he was about twelve years old. He was given a copy of it by Dr Sebagh, my then boyfriend.  Jean Louis felt he needed stimulating in the area of opera. Charlie loved it and watched it over and over again. Copying piece of it and watching himself in the mirror. For a long time he struggled with singing as a Counter Tenor, but eventually he was persuaded by Lowes Waters, an incredible singing teacher to become a Barritone. His voice is beautiful, as a mother with rose tinted glasses on of course, he has a velvety sound that is still young but very promising. He passionately sang with Sofia Dimitrova, a girl with a Callas like potential and the young lyric soprano Mikayla Sager. Both added to the wonderful concert. 

Down the road people were standing for hours round blocks near 5th and 6th Avenue waiting for a glimpse of The Games of Thrones. The world is ridiculous when there is more talent to be seen than this good but very average television series.  I like watching it, as long as I am bored on an aeroplane. The only queuing I have done is for the Kremlin and it is a usually not rewarded.

I loved Fischer Dieskau as a teenager.  I would listen to Shubert Lieder all the time, I must have passed on my passion for it. Charles sang 18 arias yesterday, without trouble and totally with passion. Thanks to my mother Caroline Brown, Jean Louis Sebagh, Harrow School and the bravery of  Nicholas Kaye at Sussex House School of pushing him and Lowes Waters this would never have happened.  There are so many people that help the young to achieve what they wish to do. With the help and enthusiasm  of Rushka Bergman and Franca Sozzani in this months L'uomo Vogue, Andrew Freedman he may have had only two people to watch him. He is to continue studies at the Royal Welsh College of Music. 

I have written diaries all my life. I always love peoples diaries, they are the intimate hole to the soul.  Probably the nearest you get to truth, whatever truth is? I am going to New York to see my son sing in Carnegie Hall, on Easter Sunday at 2pm and nothing could be much better than this. I would also like to buy a football club for my other son. If only I had oodles of cashy cash to do that?.

I was so touched by my friends at the BFI supporting me for my film, The gun the cake and the butterfly. It is a wonderful organisation.  Many others did too, Pablo Ganguli and Tomas Auksas who was a photographer on the film and the lovely Peter Medak, he totally loved it, a fan of course. My oldest friends came, Laura and Charlie Jeffreys, he accused me of loving myself, well actually I do, but more to the point, it is the only person I can be honest about. He and I used to have so much fun together. It was rather like a final examination, whether I pass or fail.  Because I knew nothing about making films  in the beginning, my three cameramen chose three different cameras. This decision now proves to be a pain. I used the Canon which is incredible, a little thing, but I needed to change the format from 25 fps to 24 fps. This has meant I am now speaking in slow motion. I did not recognise my voice, I seemed to have developed balls. I am also moving some scenes around. What works on the small screen can look totally wrong on the big screen. So interesting. What was galloping on the computer looked like sludge in Wellington boots on the big screen. I like fast things. I try to slow down but cannot. In any case everybody came up to me and said it was whimsical  and shocking at the same time. That is good. If I can shock people with my very lucky, touch wood life, then I can be an artist? Well I will have a good go at it. I like to write. It dragged in some places, so now I am back editing it in my head and then will have to mix it all over again. I am in love with the music by Boris Ristic. It really makes the film. Sadly in the theatre you could not hear it, the birds were singing but not the music. The world of cinema and making my first film is never dull. I just wanted to contribute to the world of cinema mostly inhabited by men.

AMANDA ELIASCH, ALEX WEBSTER, JUSTINE GLENTON, ROBY MEOLA, BORIS RISTIC

Enough of me, there is so much happening in the world. I have been trying to understand the logic behind Monsanto.  This company is famous for producing insecticides and plastics. They passed the bill swiftly through government in the USA, whilst everybody was busy discussing gay marriages. The seeds for our food will be modified by this huge company. Will lettuce taste like lettuce again, will it kill us? What will it do to us? Is it bad or it good? I can see both sides of the story, but why was the government in the US sneaky about it? There is so much to worry about in this bad wide world we live in? I always like to know who gets money for these things. The costs of sending politicians around the world shocked me this week. Why don't they travel economy? Or even business but why private aeroplanes?. If they did not pass legislations that are so evil and controversial, they would feel safe, and be able to travel with hoi paloi. I was happy to see that the Chinese Government are encouraging their people to be less ostentatious.  So déclassé being interested in materialism. So yesterday and so over. "Money is useful" as my friend Justine Glenton says, in my film, that is all really, that is attractive.

I have been rushed off my feet for weeks getting my film ready and there still is masses to do.  Today I am showing it for the first time at the BFI although I am planning to re shoot two or three scenes. I do not like them anymore. The people in it seem jaded and my friend Peter Medak made me see with new eyes. He felt the film should only be about the ego and the alter ego, keep it simple. Only two people to tell a story, with masses of music, wonderful appearances, four or five gorgeous men who look incredible and some funny stories.  Soon Tuesday there could be massive sieving. Oh dear...

I strive for perfection as it is  attractive but only a few people can achieve this. In the end it is a two edge sword. This film, The gun the cake and the butterfly, has given me wonderful moments and I have loved making it.
As for love, love love...
My worst fear would be to live with someone that I didn't love. I have done it, but not enjoyed it.  It is better to be on my own than to only tolerate another human in my life. Love is the most wonderful thing. That is what I am aiming for, total adoration. Okay enough about love. With the man of my life I had to be silent and invisible just to stay in the equation..Not for me.

There are things I like, like, charity and forgiveness are top of the list. As we are all small mammals it is easier to forgive than to carry huge sacks on your back.  I like to give things to people, many presents, much love. I like them to succeed. However, although not an accountant, I do like something in return. Acknowledgement, gratitude, forgiveness, love would be good. Some people are incapable of any friendship unless it has a carrot in front of the letter F, usually in the shape of CASH.

This week I was fortunate to see Jeanne Marine host a wonderful event in aid of the terrible calamity in Japan, The Massato and Yukiko Foundation, held at their famous hair salon in Fulham Road, and see  my other wonderful friend,Nicky Haslam's opening at OKA for his new book Folly de Grandeur.  It was a busy week, then I had a fabulous dinner with the outspoken and charming Mark Shand. I asked him how much it would be to save the elephant trails throughout India so they can roam freely would cost about fifty million. You would think that one of the rich Indians would want to do that? It is not just the elephants that would benefit but other animals? He is a man with a heart to fight for such a wonderful beast. He is giving the party of the year on the 9th July.

Success is a decision, a decision you have to take. I have taken it.