FINISHED WITH THE DEMIMONDE AND BACK TO THE MANY "CHARMS" of the BANKER? Tips and Tricks for any future MALE contenders who wish to enter my orbit. Wash it and rinse it under the tap now and again.

1.  Never touch my computer equipment or my belongings especially the handbag.

2.  Stop boasting and talking like a Philadelphia lawyer.

3.  Wear deodorant smell nice, clean your teeth nobody wants to smell booze and fags ,death breath, trench mouth. No girl wants to kiss an ash tray.

4.  Wash and shave

5.  Don't let the girl pay for anything

better to go for a coffee or  a sandwich that you can afford or a pie and a pint

6.  Any internal orgasms can usually be found with girls on websites called Cherrygirls.com who are high end prostitutes

7.  Read a book not only the pamphlet and no, yellow pages don't qualify.

8.  Never talk about another girl especially in a derogatory fashion, I know that it will be me next, and usually to the girl who you have been kvetching about.

9.  Always buy flowers, a simple thing can keep any woman happy even if you have to steal them.

Don't expect every woman to open her legs for a bunch, they may just go in the vase, and understand that if they are ordinary, somebody might spell that out.

10. Don't talk about money as if it was a trans Atlantic telephone number.

11. Don't mention other  girls names in my presence or afford me gynaecological descriptions of their journeys to their perceived sexual delights. I don't mind listening to all of the above if there is a fee involved and a phd after my name, but there isn't.

12.  If a man manages to get through this assault course and the bootcamp I provide, then he might be in with a tiny chance of a date. I realise I might have lost half my audience and that is my entire intention. Those of you still reading should sharpen your pencils once again, if you have lead in it.

13,  Don't send photographs of yourself which are appropriate for tinder  before you  have taken me to dinner.

I do not expect all the men to do work but I do expect that they have a go and try.

If you don't intend to listen to advise then its fast track to a punch on the nose.

I have just woken from a nightmare and taken two more sleeping pills.

If a man tries to blackmail you,  tell him "Go for it but he better have a place at the priory to go to"

I can tell you after my last escapade I am finished with the demimonde and semi artist,and I am back to seeing the "charm" of the banker. One bit of advice listen carefully why the man was free in the first place.