HELP, MONEY IS NOT MY THING

Unlike dieting Money is really not my thing. When I was young I never had any, and thought a lot of money was 250,000 pounds, now of course I have to learn. It is hell and very boring but anything new interests me. In fact, my sons make it a lot of fun. They run up the stairs saying things like "sell Paris today Mummy" and re value my assets on a weekly basis. When I broke up with Johan, I sent back all his financial books in black plastic bags, woman usually send back their ex husbands suits, but I found those strangely comforting. Johan laughed when he received them, and suggested that it might be a good idea if I kept one or two. I am trying to like bank statements, maths and have learnt what a "put" option is. It is when somebody can buy something back by an agreed time, and the price discussed at the time. Saying I would do that has been my worst investment. I get updates on the dollar and euro against the pound.
One piece of advice my sons gave, and they argue about it continually, is whether or not I should buy clothes. Jack sees clothes as an investment, he thinks you must look good and make an effort. I like that type of man, whilst Charlie hates me buying clothes and believes I should be imaginative with what I have got.
I only like property, I can see the bricks, make them pretty and sell them. They feel real. I don't like shares, lifeless balance sheets, hedge funders, and Lloyds of London, the latter with who many lost everything. I don't like insurance either, and have only just started paying into BUPA. That too has problems for me, because to pay directly for an operation, might be cheaper than the insurance.. However I am at a dodgy age and thought it was better to organize myself, just incase.
I also sweet talk the men in my life to give me free advice, ask them endless questions, and ask especially the richer ones.
I like art too, see smell the paint thing agrees with me, plus it improves your social life as the artists are fun.
Charity is a good direction too, I love helping the British Film Institute, and the London Symphony Orchestra. Try your most enigmatic smile and most men crumble and tell you all.