Monday, 9 November 2015


I was on Tinder the other night  looking for an exciting 8 inches when a man starts writing to me,  informing me that I was to meet him in at the back of the undertakers in the Kings Road, I said do you mean the family one or Francis Chapel The big one? I did not want to make the mistake of standing behind the wrong undertakers, people might give me funny looks, especially in the costume he was requiring me to wear.  I asked him what I should bring and he said two tubes of anal ease and a blindfold.  I was asked to wear long red stick on nails. Whilst this sounded on the surface interesting,  can you imagine going to the police afterwards if the man had decided to bash me up?
I suddenly realised that I could wake up in a bath full of ice with my kidneys harvested, a mobile strapped to my arm saying "dial 999 You need to give me dialysis immediately as my kidneys are on the way to France". The man seemed pleasant enough but asked me what size dress I wore. I said size 
38 French. I asked him, as I thought it was cheeky, how tall he was and he said 5"8. I asked him if he had long legs, and he said how could he have long legs at 5'8"? I asked him why I had to meet him at the undertakers and he said it was near where he worked and he did not drive. He said when we meet only answer to the name "Morticia" or I would spoil it for him.  Anal ease I can get but where do I get red press on nails? Won't they come off?.  He revealed later that he wanted to hang me upside down from the ceiling with my press nails and pretend to pull them out with fake pliers.
I have explored many of these sites and by goodness what we are expected to do these days?
Pornography helped grow the internet originally much quicker than anything else, clearly.. 
Just a word of advice it would be easier to find the right undertakers if I was not wearing a blindfold.


No comments: