Friday, 7 November 2014

You better start saving up because when you are really frightened I will give you my price.

Is the estate agent the new dodo. Do we really need estate agents, wedding planners, wooden coffins, the chartered surveyor?. The middle men create a fear, taking out any money they can. These people are really charging you to remove the fear  they created.  People spend billions on Nuclear shelters. Fear is big business.

It is like this seasons must have, are you going to risk your reputation and be caught in last seasons kit?".

The new business is the war in the Middle East the fear of ISIS. People are ruled by fear. The bomb scares. People are willing to fork out any amount of money to secure their life.
The crazies are out there and this is where the middle man comes in. When people sell safety it is expensive. The Kray twins sold protection otherwise your fingers are chopped off. You have to cough up to be secure. The worst thing that somebody can do to you is kill you, and then you have escaped.
I had a close shave with a man  who was touting his own kind of fear but I did not know what the price tag was to take it away.

Same as the cancer doctor who says you are going to die if you don't take his poison. We are all going to die.  I want to assure you they are not going to give me any poison. You won't die of cancer because they will kill you with the chemo therapy.
We in turn give them what they want.

Skin creams are the biggest con of all. If don't use product X you shall look old. Let's cut the rubbish the molecules of the cream are too large to go through the cell membrane. They can only be absorbed by the dead layers. So let's get a grip on the truth. It makes your dead skin look slightly more palatable until it drops off. Otherwise it would be a medicine. It is a cosmetic. I have known many plastic surgeons and they all know and agree that Nivea is as good as Creme de la mer and Oil of Ulay. Oil in water suspension.
So back to estate agents. They are all oil in water too.
I can tell you right now all the square footage prices of the whole of  dez rez side of London, can they? I do not think so, but because they think you don't know, they feel safe..  Location location location. I certainly have the location bang on the river with the best bedroom in London. My houses garden is part of Henry V111's  original garden, with an original tree in its front to prove it. His manor house was in my back garden.
The problem with middle men is that they feed your insecurity.

"We will take this shit heap off your hands and try and see if we can sell it". When they come to sell, "I must show you this beautiful house where every feature works. A wonderful opportunity to make money". When it falling down it suddenly  becomes an opportunity to put your own mark on it. Everything that is fucked suddenly becomes an original feature.

It is certainly the most zany road in London with the most exclusive Mick Jagger, Sol Campbell, Bryan Adams all next door to me. Adele lived happily one door until her house was ready. Rocco Forte too and the ex King of Greece. Buying a property in London is snakes and ladders and you an advantage if you are good at poker.
I shall cultivate a friendship with Sara Beeney and give estate agents a run for their money and cultivate a friendship with the page three girl, Linda Lusardi, who knows as much about creams as Estee Lauder herself.
Oh have I got a ladder in my stocking or is it just a stairway to heaven. Be afraid very afraid.

P.S Have surprisingly just got best blog from the Steeple Times. Thank you.

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