Thursday, 20 November 2014


I spoke to my son tonight who said in quite a matter of fact voice, that I am, his mother,  and I am polyamorous. I had not really thought about it before, but tonight as he was talking, I realised he is perfectly correct in thinking that. I immediately defended myself, of course,  by saying "I am not sleeping with everybody, I am not a slut". He said "Of course you are not, just you are having many different relationships with all sorts of people". He said quite calmly "You are not a promiscuous, just you don't lie" I said out loud "I am pleased about that" He then explained that most people are not open with the truth, they hide and shuffle deceit around their lives, but I, his mother, happily lived her truths, in a reasonably happy and discreet way. Again I said out loud "I am pleased about that"
The fact is that I have many different relationships, one man for the movies, one to correct my spelling, one, where my mind and body meets, one, which is like my father, one who I would like to be faithful to me and who definitely is not, and so on.  The point is to live my truth I have had to have guts, and I have dealt with my loneliness so nobody can try and make me feel there is a deficit if they remove themselves from my life.  
I remember when I was 14, I was talking about sex with my best friend, and I said that I would be having sex until I was 80.  A neighbour overheard the conversation and reported it to my mother. My mother in turn was furious and slammed the door on the woman's face, after the neighbour repeated my rather torrid forbidden school girl conversation. My mother said in a strident very grand voice, that she could mind her own business. She let me be free to think and work things out but,
after that I remember  being not allowed to read Nietzsche, actually I only tried to read it, and lots I did not understand.  I remember I agreed with him that what you are doing is, what you are doing. So if you are not doing something, but want to, then you are lying.   I would rather do it, enjoy it, love the person than tell myself a whole lot of fibs, and other people too. No I have to be straight, I agree, that I am straight in a rather unusual way.
Is this wrong? Clearly in my mind murdering and theft are both wrong, but if somebody ran over my my dog wow they would be in trouble.
Is infidelity? Well I disagree with most people on this. I think infidelity is wrong, but lying to yourself is wrong. So if you are sleeping with somebody whom you do not love, then that is wrong. If you make love to somebody that you don't  love then that is wrong. If you are having sex with someone you do not love then thats okay you are just having sex. Not everybody you love, you have sex with. 
Most people love people that love them, and they don't tend to love that person until that person disappears.
A woman is jealous when a man fucks another person, but the man is jealous when the woman loves another person. So there is no equality. It is a lopsided balance. It you try to make it acceptable you will be very lonely. Most importantly you need to be good friends and understand each other.

On another note...
If you do something for somebody, as an act of kindness then that can be love and it can be a pleasure. However  if you help that person but never tell them, then that is integrity. Integrity is selfless. Everything we have in life is temporary, until we die.
Just enjoy every second without hurting someone else's feelings. 

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