Friday, 6 December 2013

"When a woman deals with her loneliness she is free". AE

My film, the gun the cake and the butterfly is now nearly finished, there is still something wrong with the end, but I am tired. The festivals for me are done and I am thrilled having won so many best art films at NYCIFF, Bel Air, LA Femme, Ischia Global Film and Music Festival, Burbank International Film Festival and the Indie Fest La Jolla,  It has been an incredibly fast and exciting year.  Finished off with a presentation by Liberatum here in Miami Art Basel. The year of snake, is nearly over, it has been a whirlwind. I have so many people to thank especially Xaque Gruber, Tim Willis, Pablo Ganguli,  and my sons Jack and Charles, whose belief in me kept me going.

It all started because I felt lonely and depressed and my Father made me write 5,000 words about it. That feels a long time ago. He thought I could be a good writer. I felt "If a woman deals with her loneliness she is free" I was in a rocky marriage with too much money and not enough time for love. I have worked through the above and now have done the things I have dreamt  of doing, neon lights, poetry and a film. My sons have grown up and they are wonderful to me. I love my ex husband, I truly do. Would I want to be married still? Sometimes, I need a cuddle, sometimes.

It is hard to be married to powerful men. They just do not have the time to give to family, and often do not have the interest. Last week I went to a newspaper owners thirtieth wedding anniversary, he will remain nameless as he is a private person, despite his profession. It was incredibly moving. How they made it was that they never gave up. I remember the husband saying once to me "You can fall in love with many people, so never put temptation in the way, because marriage and children are the most important"
I myself have dealt with my loneliness and am almost free, but I do love family.

Nigella this week looked as if she was a cross between Anne Boleyn, ready for her head to be cut off, and Boudicca, ready for a battle. Nobody would wish last weeks proceedings on their worst enemy.
I thought about her, I love the Saatchi family, I love Charles. I have known him for 21 years and he one of the most elegant, immaculate men I have ever met. Probably in my top 20 best men in the world. How could those intimate Scotts lunches have ended in this high profile exhausting fashion? Of course I have not had over 600,000 pounds supposedly stolen from me, otherwise there would be the same storm. I understand and am there for him whatever happens, he and his family deserve this.

We should be reminded that although Charles did not appear at the Miami Art Basel there is full support for him here. Tracey Emin was asked by Tomas Auksas in the audience, what she felt about Charles Saatchi. She answered saying that he had been incredible to her, and although she did not want to sell to him in the beginning, he eventually supported her by buying The unmade bed. This meant that she could either buy a Louise Bourgoise sculpture or a house, and she wasn't telling us what she did. She however said, as I already know, that Charles was charismatic and charming and very helpful. Norman Rosenthal said that Charles had had too much flack recently. To this the audience cheered. This is the art world in Miami and they were sticking by him.
The passionate and witty conversation between Tracey and Norman was infectious.

Asked about Manet she quickly responded "You can talk about Manet or you can talk about me" She told the audience, "Norman loves Manet, it is his subject" Tracey said, she did not.
She told us Miami and Margate have masses of similarities and as I looked round the world of art I really am beginning to see it. The sunsets, the artists, the architecture.  In my film The gun the cake and the butterfly, I filmed Margate, and this is probably one of the prettiest scenes in the whole thing.
"We loved with a love that was more than love" Edgar Allan Poe, seems so Tracey, but was he?. I find him dark, she finds him dark. For me Tracey has an alluring sentimentality, lightness, depth and soul that is addictive, she is multi layered and  I am affected by her. On love she said she was not into being trapped or bullied, that she had only loved three times in her life. That nowadays she was more interested in sunsets and flowers than sex. The more I listened the more attractive she became. I learnt another side of her. She is of course a philosopher, a Commander of the British Empire, a teacher, an artist, and most importantly she loves to be loved.  She doesn't like Manet yet I learnt that Matisse used 6foot paint brushes, I probably should have known that. You have to forgive me, I, Amanda, did not go to art school. I suddenly want to paint too, get a big canvass and try. Tracey opens many possibilities to other people as she talks. She is generous with ideas. She loves the philosopher Spinoza and I love Nietzche "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger". I was not allowed to read him when I was young, my mother said I would be influenced by his beliefs.
I met Tracey when I took photographs and wrote a book called "British Artists at Work". I was frightened of her, but she soon broke the ice by suggesting that I was shy, and that I should be an artist type person and called Mandy Brown, instead of Amanda Eliasch and live next to her in the East End of London. Since then I love her dearly, she is a wonderful friend, to those she loves.
Dealing with her loneliness in a positive wonderful way she creates quilts, paintings and with her neons
she makes us think.
I suppose Nigella after all this drama will go back to cooking and cupcakes and Charles to hiding his lolly in a new place, perhaps his shoes? I also love burnt toast and boiled eggs. I am sure Charles will continue to support the talented.
It is like a greek tragedy, juicy, compelling and deadly. They will create new lives and are in the process of doing so.

One bit of kindly free advice, when people deal with their inner loneliness, not expecting others to do it for them, or filling themselves with medication, they are free. I think I have never seen Tracey look happier. others should follow her.

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