Sunday, 15 December 2013


Here in Zagreb, cannabis is tolerated, I was told by Commander Not-Gudenov, as he took a long draw on a hubble-bubble. And I am thinking is: anybody sane anymore?

The night before last, my son came into my room and told me he was never going out again, and that bags of weed had replaced sports bags. My other son lives in the 17th Century where to spray the room with ganja was unheard of. (They preferred laudanum then, a delicious opium concoction, I am told.)

Now I am an old prude, so I shall repeat what I wrote two weeks ago and say I never have seen a line cut, in fact I do not know how to cut it. My greatest friend showed me how to shoot up heroin once, which made everybody roar with laughter. However these drugs are illegal and run by undesirables.

What about alcohol? Well, if you feel you can get up having drunk five glasses of wine and a bottle of vodka then that's great; but if you cannot, you should know that your body is unable to stand too much booze. For me, its a total no-no: I fall asleep the minute I have a glass of wine.

As for grass, I am told its brilliant for an orgasm, but again for me it makes me hyperactive and rather bad tempered. I had a lover who wanted it every time he was about to come, and it put me right off. As he rolled the ganja into a tight roll in order to get his high, I deliberately pretended to fall asleep.
We know that Cocaine is everywhere in society and many people have a sniff in public life.
Another boyfriend once produced a mountain of cocaine and I was so horrified that I blew it away, terrified I might get addicted to it. (Now if he had got amphetamine, I might have been much happier – and so so thin…)

Another boyfriend tried to inject me with horse tranquilliser but he went to the loo in between getting it ready, so I emptied the syringe, and lied, saying I did it myself. He just didn't understand why I was not more malleable.

Luckily or boringly, my sons think drugs are a no-no, too. Educated by the puritanical, now squeaky-clean Jack the Sad, they poo-poohed the opportunity to be wild, preferring a rather rigid way of life, dumping their friends if they showed moments of weakness for puff.

I have had loads of clever people around me that have been drug users and now given up, and they also  frequently offered them advice - not least that it might affect their young brains and their reputations.

This is a point to consider. I do not want to be put in a position where I could be blackmailed and seen by anybody else, and I certainly do not want to make the Daily Mail headlines for two weeks in a row for having a preference for illegal drugs. It would be mortifying, to say the least.

On the other hand, I do not really care whether people I know take drugs or not. It is up to them and, because of the unsavoury people involved, probably best to make them legal.  I am not anti the use of them, just the over use, and terrible damage can be done to you during the learning process.

Look what has happened to the two girls in Peru who were used as drug mules. I would not relish spending five minutes of my precious life in jail, let alone 15 years. Just as I would hate to have a dealer to talk to in my drawing room – though some of the clever ones don't even take drugs themselves, as they're only in it for the cash.

So, what is the solution? I suppose, in this fallen world, it's best to take it behind closed doors, where no one knows – and never to rely on the discretion and solidarity of a friend.

As de la Rochefoucauld said: "Hypocrisy is the tribute that vice pays to virtue". I always say that I gave up the luxury of being liked when I went to boarding school at five years old and had my hair regularly washed down the loo by the bullies, future druggies all.

Nothing will get me to people-please and take a line, nor load the weights on the scales.

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