Thursday, 18 July 2013

FULL OF DREAMS



My life is full of dreams. I am sitting here on my balcony, where my film, which I wrote, directed and produced, The gun the cake and the butterfly, is about to be shown tonight at The Ischia Global Film Festival. It is run by the energetic Pascal Vicedomini, I am thinking.  He is a visionary, with caterpillar vision, he assembles talent wit passion, creating a totally unique experience where everyone gladly supports each other.
“ Wow, how lucky am I,  I think?” How on earth did all this happen in a year? The truth is Pascal is instinctive, and what he likes he likes, he and the other film festivals have truly supported me.
He creates panels that discuss International issues and concerts on the beach, everything is done with joy and aplomb. Fireworks abound. I am about to win the Lina Wertmullerprize, in remembrance of her husband, Enrico Jobb, she is the first, out of only four women, to be nominated for an Academy Award.
This festival is very different. 
Cannes and Venice are huge, tricky to manouvre and full of clipboard doormen who  won’t allow you in. Thousands of people flock to festivals, crowded, hot and glamorous.
Ischia is about family, a talented family, involving friendship.

Yes I am right, with my thoughts  “What you are doing, is what you are doing. This has always been   my belief , and I am with one of my favourite actresses of all time Natasha Kinski,(The best author in the whole planet for me is Thomas Hardy, and Tess was my favourite heroine) she played her so well,  and  French actress Emanuelle Segnier. Who is showing her film Venus and Fur directed by husband Roman Polanski, her husband’s new film.
I keep pinching myself. I am following my passion.
Everybody is relaxed. 1950’s distressed glamour. Ischia is not Capri and it’s not Rome. The famous introduce themselves, as if you could not possibly know them. There is something very charming about this. You cannot lobby to be a part of Pascal’s Film Festivals, you have to be anointed to participate.

I have been included in four festivals now, The New Media Film Festival, The New York International Film Festival and have just been selected for the Bel Air Film Festival. The Ischia Global Film Festival, and Have won, “The most imaginative documentary film” in NY. I feel very chuffed. I think, “yes I did this, as a woman for women”.  I thought, I cannot be one of the Kardashian’s who wear ‘strap on’s’ before 9.30 am in Los Angeles, I could only be me.
I thought, I would pinch lines wherever I could, when writing, instead of snorting them.  I could not be one of those people who did  not have a line on their face and only under their nose.

The only people that have ever thought I was a star were London taxi drivers. I enter a cab on the streets of London and the first question they ask is “ What films have you been in, are you a model?”  I never know what to answer?, I do not want to disappoint the charming man driving me.  However, the truth is, that despite drama school ALRA and RADA, I liked to be hidden. My eldest son says however, “A blonde has unfair advantages over the rest of the planet, and you Mummy, can never hide”  

We know through film you can influence the world. Through pictures music and thought, you can change what is going on. I think we can all give back and choose our own platforms, inspiring communities to think. After doing this film I want to do this forever.
Last year women were moaning that there were too few serious positions held in the film world by women. Few films were made by them.   I thought I would have a go. I thought I would learn and expand from the experience. Indeed I did.  I thought I would use my own story, I could be blatantly honest, cruelly so. I had no intention of acting it but combining the script with a documentary to create the artistic world I inhabit so merrily. I enjoyed the focus,
I thought I would be finished in three weeks.
I was not.
The first edit I thought was nothing like me and that I had to be in it. So I decided at that point to intertwine my characteristics with the other actress Justine Glenton and with the actors I involved.

I don’t care about failure, I care about doing and being open and vulnerable to the world, I have put myself out there and I expect ‘judgement day’, but I am proud about what I have accomplished and how I feel, despite, having  to sell my favourite house to do it. Nobody gave me a dime, it was all me, for good and bad.
The story of my upbringing in Wiltshire to being tapped on the shoulder and realizing I have just contributed to the wonderful world of female film directors. Katherine Bigelow, Lyn Ramsey, Madonna, Jane Campion, Vanessa Redgrave, Kerry and Rory Kennedy, Barbara Streisand, my favourites Sofia Coppola and Sally Potter. They are bold and strong, having the faith to follow their own voices against all odds.
Now it’s my turn, I have entered stage right and I have no exit. I am addicted to the critics and the applause.

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