Hello Hollywood...

I am in the jungle in Northern Thailand having fed the elephants at 7am, a pretty organised fake jungle where the birds sing on time. The elephants bow to you as you pass, nothing is real, all works delicately in time to the human step. Breakfast on a pretty raft took me along the river where nature gently moved. Coffee and pineapple.  I am ready for the regime set out before me. I felt as if I were on a schedule at school, now time for elephants, now time to eat.

The same with the tour yesterday. Heaven forbid that I may see someone with red teeth and smoking opium. I begged to see real hill tribes, I felt I was on a film set. All organised and squeaky clean. Back in the car I asked for music and all they had was gentle well produced lounge and elevator musak. Good bye deadly insects and snakes, heaven knows what they have done with you?

Everybody is perfectly oleaginous and good looking, and looks like the old version of The Truman Show.  They all scream at me "Hello Hollywood" which was the best part. I am glad Los Angeles has rubbed off on me. Going to see the museum to see wicked ancient opium dealers.