Thursday, 12 May 2011


I have made a mistake, I thought it was a good idea to try a new hotel, so here I am in The Martinez in Cannes wishing I could find solitude.  The noise is horrendous, outside the back window is a very reliable train service, and the air conditioning is bang up to date for about 1976.  I would like to go to the beach get brown, only the beach is taken over by Canal + so hells bells where do I go?
I take back whatever I have ever said about The Hotel du Cap, it is the best place to stay in the South of France. The sweeping lawns, the beautiful views, the brilliant service.  It is a rich man's palace.  For two weeks during the Cannes Film Festival, you will be expected to have bags of cash.  The Martinez tried their best, they moved me from whatever shitty room they were putting me in, and did me a real favour by giving me a slightly better room. It has leopard fake carpets, leopard curtains and and yellow striped fabric walls.  The slightly smaller than queen size bed is made for someone who is possibly less than 5 ft.  For precisely 9,000 euros I should be living like the diva that I am for five days.  I shall be living it up in the film world and looking at houses that I might like to dream about.
Last night I looked at properties here for 2.5 million.  Not a lot of money in Antibes. So all the houses were facing the wrong way, and had no land.  I want to see the sea and nobody else from my bedroom window.
It is my birthday tomorrow. It won't exist. It has all gone too fast.  My son thinks I am 15 in any case, so that is where I shall stay, until the pink cardigan comes out with pearls. Until my blonde locks can't take the dye anymore.  This morning I was speaking to a friend who likes to prick her face to stay young with something called a Derma Roll.  I tried it once.  It is like pricking a chicken or the grass, It grows better when hundreds of needles go into it.  Sad thing is I am ultra sensitive and can't take the feeling.  I look in the mirror and feel better than I did at 25, I can still skip and jump, I have a lot to smile about.
So I shall join the Cannes madness and forget peace and quiet...

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