Tuesday, 22 February 2011


You have to have a good sense of humour when you decide to move to a new city.  There is nothing wrong with Los Angeles, only wrong with my radar system when I arrived, and the fact that I genuinely like most people, that is until I am fed up.
Today my friend Jack the Sad went to look for my friend Harley, who disappeared with five thousand dollars of mine.  Harley was meant to put a new engine into my car, my new broom broom car is a little slow.  So off Jack went first thing this morning to the back end of beyond to some dodgy estate off  Ventura, Los Angeles, California  to the offenders warehouse.  Jack said it was a cross between Pulp Fiction and Only Fools and Horses. On arrival there was a dog on a leash growling and trying to bite his ankles, a woman who said she had been locked in her house and was waiting to be released, her name was Marlene or Marth, who cares? . All the windows were covered with steel, and at the back entrance there was a huge sign saying "Fuck Off.  So charming. The woman waiting to be let out sounded simple and ridiculous, personally I think the man himself was inside cowering in some corner. Yeh yeh yeh, hey hey the monkeys.  Two six foot six, twenty two stone men with tattoos on their neck turned up in a pick up truck with silver teeth wanting to find the great man too. So much for honour and coolness.
I said what about my five thousand  dollars?- Jack said "It's madness there"   I rang Harley's office and the  timid, dull woman answered.  Why she assumed it was okay for Harley to run off with my cash is remarkable in itself. There has been now nine months of ridiculous excuses, ranging from hospital to the inability to look after his finances. The last time we spoke he said "Can you send me another three thousand dollars as I need to sell a car in order to do the engine" when I said no, I told him he could pay me back in candles, only he was nowhere to be found.  Basically the great puffed up man with tattoos stole the cash.  I should have known better... as for the  whimpering locked up woman... poof poof I am coming to get some candles...boom boom. Watch out for Batman and Robin.  If I wanted to give five thousand dollars away there are a lot of trees needed on this about to fall apart planet.
Oh I forgot to say, Harley Riker said to me "You don't need the five thousand dollars, why are you going on about it?"

1 comment:

Vinnes said...

Surreal and funny story, from "putting a new engine into the new car because IT IS SLOW!" to the setting like in "Pulp Fiction meets Only Fools and Horses", ha ha.