Tuesday, 3 August 2010


Before I start nagging I just want to say I love my men in my life, old boyfriends, husbands, sons.. all of them are welcome and I love seeing them.
However, how much should I believe them when they say I look good, I do not know?.
Last night I saw my lovely ex boyfriend Jean Louis Sebagh. It was like old times, my son Charles and his children laughing together as if they were brothers and sisters which they are not. It felt good. We took photographs and then Jean Louis turned to me and said "your cheeks need pumping up" oh no I thought. I just begin to like them. All my life I have had fat cheeks. I want to look gaunt and instead look plump and healthy. "Look" he said" "they're giving way, it's where everyone ages" Oh shit I thought, I really hate the injections, the fillers, the fake fat look, you know when somebody has had a lot of work done, they have that over smooth appearance, and sort of plums on their face. Yet there is something so addictive to looking younger, the world hates old age and as I try to do Yoga positions I realise that I could be ageing faster than I would actually like.
The Doctor who gave me HRT I could kill, immediately I put on 5 pounds which is hell to lose. What is the point of being fatter if its not in my face to make me look younger? I realise the whole thing will only get worse, and the doctors in charge know so little. Mainly they are men and that is where the problem lies.
No it won't do, I am throwing away the HRT, going to a doctor who understands preferably a woman, and dieting to get the wobbly HRT fat off. You know its different from normal fat, it has a watery look to it?. What is the point, nobody if they are honest likes fat nowadays, it looks slovenly lazy and out of date, and who likes to make love to a wobbly young looking skin in any case? I was told by the Doctor that the skin is the biggest organ, and we need the hormones, do we? Was I measured? How much did I need? Did he give me the right amount?
No, none of these things were tested so how did he know.. Truth is he did not.
All of this is rubbish I am going to get an education, that will keep my brain young at least.
However, forget natural, I certainly won't let my hair go grey. There are limits to all things.
As for my cheeks, I shall think about it..

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