Thursday, 8 July 2010


All my single girlfriends say that there are no men, I didn't believe them and so in January I thought it would be a good idea for research purposes to try out some dating sites. I didn't need to join them, just thought I would have some fun and see how easy they were to use and maybe in the process meet the man of my dreams. I am getting a bit long in the tooth for that now, but know I have lots of guts and humour and with the support of some adorable people in my life I checked them out and they even joined in to help me.
At first the experience amused me. was the most efficient in Los Angeles. I was there for three months and so had time to check. The men seemed good looking, charming, Californian on paper and surprisingly serious, and with all the questions and time spent answering Chemistry I thought I was safe. I am not easily conned. I also had staying in Beverley Hills, my good friend Lyall Watson, we were writing a play together and together we interviewed them. Most sites were boring and not visually attractive enough to engage you. Chemistry offer tests that were fun and after a little while you could sort of tell who everybody was., in England was a contemporary site with some interesting things for example you have to get a reference from a friend. is fast, but the photographs too small, and although I think it is part of Chemistry it is not so appealing for me. It was for quick dating. everybody raves about, was was full of attractive looking hookers aged between 25 - 35, I was clearly out of my depth. In any case after four weeks I was still interviewing on paper. It was a slower process than I imagined. Boys are and were just not as quick as girls unless you meet at a party. They were also mostly in other relationships which they at first hid and they all said were boring. They were looking for the real thing, so they said, and they needed to have some excitement, in the shape of me in their lives.
I met three men who have become really good friends. There was no romance and there never could be. So you get the idea, one was a composer for jingles, another a builder and one a violinist. I did help all of them to dress and I have ended up being their stylists as few Californian men have any dress sense at all.
Of course there was the obligatory disaster. One man, who looked like a marriage prospect and boasted about his heritage, insisted on coming to England and following me to the South of France and Paris , where he proceeded to leave me with huge bills eating twice as much as anybody else in my life. He also said he didn't drink and he was drunk as a skunk most of the time and admitted that he was a bit of a lush. He become a nightmare, if I said white he said green. I should have been more astute as he wrote also on his Facebook page before leaving that he was off on a Blonde Adventure which sort of cheapened me. He asked if I would buy his airline ticket as he was doing Jury Service that week. I said ok.
He never attempted to pay me back for anything, saying he was a broke 52 year old law student and threw me 800 dollars, when asked and said I had cost him a fortune with three dinners from a takeout in Los Angeles, and the petrol from his house to mine on ten occasions. There were no telephone bills as we used the internet. Oh he did take me to dinner twice in France. Nothing was good enough for him, he complained and sulked all the time, the helicopter ride, the hotels, and he didn't want to go and see Nadal win at the French open, but we went, thank goodness. He never stopped commenting about the way I looked, my hair, my glasses, my make up, and he may have found his crumpled appearance attractive, but I did not. I bought him a suit, so at least he looked okay for some of the time. He proceeded to see dead people around my apartment in Paris, moving furniture, swearing passing out on the sofa in the new suit and bitching about me to my staff . I was so frightened that I had to call my maid in to sleep with me. He also talked all the time about commitment, and pre-nups, whilst telling me that he was madly in love with another woman or rather the other woman was madly in love with him as he professed undying love for me. After furious text messaging, throwing him out of my car for baiting me, I left him at the Gare du Nord.. only to pick him up because I felt guilty a few minutes later. I had never been in a situation like this before. Generally I am not into romance, or perhaps I am too romantic, in any case, after three days of hell I deposited him in a hotel and left him there, where he became increasingly more abusive. Unfortunately his bad behaviour was rather addictive, so be careful. I noticed the more horrible he was the more I liked him. Watch out. After not paying a dime except for the paltry 800 dollars he flew back to Los Angeles with his tail between his legs and into the arms of his so called ex girlfriend. I am now left paying his debts.
Out of four men all were unsuitable and one was a nightmare, I suppose the ratio is what you would expect. However be sure of one thing, there is nothing like meeting a man in a supermarket, a library, a train or through one of your friends. This is preferable. They then come with a reference, and are not some good for nothing bounty hunter with an okay face that the net has not sieved.


vinnes said...

Ha ha ha. Dating sites, too funny. It is for the ones who are used to pick up things from the catalogues etc. Single girls, learn, now you are being informed.

Karrpark said...

What a saga. Would make a great film.