I WILL I WILL NOT, I JUST WANT TO HEAR THE WORD YES

I have a new thing I am telling everybody that I am getting married to see their reactions. Of course I am not, it would be a very stupid idea, for a start I haven't found anybody yet, that could put up with me. The hectic life, the passion, the obsession with being tidy, the total need for freedom, a man who has a no more than a thirty two inch waist. It isn't exactly a lie because of course I have been asked, it's just that the person in question didn't think it through. When you know the beginning the middle and the end, how can you be in love the same way. He is a true romantic. I am not anymore, I was once. I don't want to be in any cage, let alone a golden one, with coffee brought to me in bed. Of course I might get dumped, that is fine too, I am not good at feeling bored and yet sometimes, like everyone,I enjoy being very boring. As I still search for the meaning of life, it is hardly the right moment to have a ring clamped on my finger. In fact last week I had two proposals, which considering I am not having a public affair is an amazing thing. I thank god that at nearly half a century people can still consider the very long walk up the aisle. In any case I think I have done my duty to marriage, altogether I did about 25 years ,which for a butterfly like me is a miracle. Originally I said yes because I wanted to have a party and a white dress, but later there were screaming matches, and I was throwing my first husbands clothes out of the window, my dress became so unimportant. I remember going to Tatters in the Fulham Road for a very pretty dress in pale cream chiffon, I went on a diet and lost one stone. By the wedding day I was so thin that I was unrecognizable and that was a problem. My first husband liked fatsos and here he was marrying a skinny fatso. What a boo boo I made.

The second time I got married I should have stayed married, as really I like him. I did throw the air conditioning unit on his head when I went to his office and saw a picture of his new girlfriend on his desk. Oh dear, will I ever be a good wife? I think I shall cut off my hair and become a Bride of Christ, then all my sins will hopefully be forgiven.