Tuesday, 21 July 2009


If I don't have a nervous break down this week it will be a miracle. The eclipse is on its way, and we will have all new realities, which is amazing. I was getting very tired of my old one. How exciting is it to pack up a house you have loved and adored for 18 years, looked after and cherished. How exciting is it that your children spend time with a new woman who can't possibly understand the love you have for them. I still remember Charlie's first steps in his brand new red shoes he loved at seven months. Yes, he walked at seven months. I found them tucked away lovingly in a little box full of chiffon. Jack was a little later, he was lazy which is funny as he is so active now. I so loved them both as every mother does. It is therefore tragic that due to divorce and modern living that they spend so much time away from me, and that I have to kiss my dogs through Skype. It is funny though that the dogs do respond, they know everything, and see it too.

I was shown the house I had loved in the South of France. I looked at it with the look of distrust. Jealousy no, it looked like a hospital, all white. It had become a hotel, foreign and unfamiliar. The appearance dead. Not fun as it had once been. Twenty children used to play and laugh. Why is it that a woman likes to eradicate the past, to feel secure, like it didn't ever exist? It's funny that ex wives have to so readily to take on the future, bravely like we don't mind. We do though. However, I remember being in the same position as she is now, and including the wife I had so hurt. I liked her, we tried to make a larger family. Now that romance has ended I still speak to her, she is a lovely woman and a talented photographer too.

Women from all over the world are different, so it is, and will always be, cultures educate. I shall never understand the excitement though, had by snitching something belonging to somebody else. In the meantime I undo the past, as all is revealed to me in a misty haze and my memories achingly jogged. If I snuffle a lot this week, and am distant, please understand.

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