Saturday, 27 June 2009


It is interesting to see how worked up people get over the death of an iconic figures who die young, such as Princess Di, Marilyn Monroe, and Michael Jackson. Yesterday I told my story of Rushka, just to be told, not for any particular comments or amusement, just so that people knew somebody who had seen Michael Jackson in the last week, however biased they may be. No more and no less. Just to have knowledge. Anyway from 8am up until 13.30pm, I was either playing tennis or watching it. I
I woke to a string of messages from a friend called "Ron" about Michael Jackson and the abuse by his entourage.

That I should also watch whoever I exchange money with because that is all they want, also that my entourage will tell me what I want as long as I am giving them cash.
He went on to discuss the politics to Israel, the cruelty of the British, their Aristocracy, to the perils of Nazi Germany, and how wonderful and free New York is, free from clubs, our classist society in England, our blood sports and the killing of tiny birds for the pleasure of the rich.
Of course I agree with nearly all the things my friend was pointing out, any intelligent person would. The view of my friend was that the family, the doctors, the plastic surgeons, the stylists, the sycophantic friends had all enabled Michael Jackson to become the person be became. Of course he is right too. It is difficult when you are being paid by anyone to be objective, if you are truthful, you will lose your job.

I certainly found that to be true. I was in the lucky, and in the privileged position to employ a lot of people. The entourage can kill, they would have killed me if I had continued down that path. I am truly grateful to all the people that worked for me and some I am genuinely fond of, but it was bad for me to be so attached, and beholden to others. I don't like the lack of privacy, the spongers, the inefficiency that surrounds people.
I hated people in my bedroom, the constant stream of hairdressers, make up artists, cleaners. I was lucky to have them in my life, they all worked to hard, and were nearly always polite, and kind, in fact too kind, they did cause problems, usually with newcomers, and with each other. The constant internal bickering left me with gallstones, a quick temper, and an acute sensitivity to being conned and fear of being on my own.
I did listen to my cynical friend, but I had made up my mind myself, I like being on my own, facing my own life, with all its ups and downs. I don't want to have to sack anyone, I don't want to argue, and I want to be light and free. If only Michael Jackson had had the courage to go on his own too. He might have been a lot happier and not lonely. The loneliness of being surrounded by people on the payroll is far less attractive than anyone on the outside can imagine.
Yes you can get your pain relief quickly but it can kill you too. If only he had been allowed to run free as a child, put his hands in earth once more, go fishing, cook, shop for food, shop for clothes, instead of allowing himself to become a human mannequin. We all get old, and plastic surgeons nowadays try their best to make us not look like freaks, but if you go all the time you of course become one, we all grow old and die. Vanity is fun but its just fun. In Hollywood when you grow old you don't go out if you've been a star. You hide. So however rich, famous,poor whatever, go out, see what is happening, take the tube, run with your sons, eat at the local fish and chips.
I knew I was becoming a big madam when I went to Northolt where the private jets fly from and I made a scene when the plane didn't take off on time. I had to stop this, and although it would not be easy I had to take risks, I would be happier, and now for the most parts I am.
A pity that Michael Jackson didn't have some ranting friend who was willing to take the risk with him and criticise. I have already let go of my driver,
and I am nearly free of all encumbrance, and I shall sieve my friends soon too, and thank you "Ron" for being so brutally honest, but I might not ever see you ever again.

1 comment:

Julie Anne Rhodes said...

"The loneliness of being surrounded by people on the payroll is far less attractive than anyone on the outside can imagine"...amen!